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Too much really.
If I couldn’t have his body, then perhaps I could have his mind and heart...carefully gifted through the impersonal screens of technology.
“You want me to message you while I’m gone?” he asked quietly.
I want you to message me all the time. About everything. Anything. Always.
My cheeks heated at how pathetically high my heart leapt. “If you have the time. I mean...just so I know you haven’t fallen overboard.”
He sucked on his bottom lip and nodded. “I can do that. But I’m paying for the phone myself.” His eyes strayed to the tallboy that’d seen better days and the bottom drawer where I knew he kept his money.
“It was a gift, Aslan—”
“I won’t let you buy me something so expensive.” Dropping the phone box on his pillow, he tossed the sheet away from his legs, revealing tight black boxer-briefs and an intoxicating bulge between his legs.
I leapt to my feet.
I shivered with lancing, breaking desperation.
It took everything I had not to throw myself at him.
I swayed toward him.
Selfishness to take what I wanted almost made me kiss him again.
But the idea of him being kicked out. Of him no longer living in the garden. Of no longer being so close.
I couldn’t do it.
I wasn’t strong enough to claim him, and I definitely wasn’t strong enough to lose him.
Torturous agony burned through me as frustrated tears welled. “Oh, shit. Would you look at the time? I better go.” Keeping my eyes firmly away from the one part of him I was breathless to touch, I collided into his door. “I, um...sleep well. Sorry I woke you. And eh, don’t forget to message me. And, um....happy reading!”
I fell over his threshold, almost crashed into the pool, and barely made it back to my bed before I screamed into my pillow and gave in to the rush of hunger.
Being sixteen sucked.
Being in love sucked.
Being wet and desperate and head over fucking heels sucked.
It all welled inside me.
Tears fell.
My heart heaved.
And as my hand disappeared beneath my sheets and between my virgin legs, I made the awful decision to try to move on.
I couldn’t keep doing this to myself.
I couldn’t keep pretending that Aslan would one day drag me before my parents, plant a possessive kiss on my lips, and announce that he was breaking his promise to stay away from me.
As long as he was not permitted to live in this country, he had no choice but to obey.
Pity I could no longer do the same.
Chapter Twenty-Four
