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Red light.
Heaven and hell.
A woman and man leaped from the van and dashed to the back. Wrenching open the double doors at the rear, the man grabbed a medical bag all while the woman muttered something into her radio stuck to her shoulder.
The male EMT took one look at the driver, sniffed the marijuana-pungent air coming from the Mazda, and barked at his colleague, “Tell the police to hurry up.” Pointing at the guy, he barked, “Are you hurt?”
The driver shook his head. “Nah. I’m fine. The airbag went off. I-I’m fine.” He swiped at his tears. “He’s not, though. He’s breathing but hasn’t moved. Fuck, I’m going to jail, aren’t I?” He lost himself in a tangle of sobs. Falling to his ass, he wrapped his arms around his knees, rocking back and forth.
The EMT ignored him, dropping to his haunches beside Aslan and tearing into his bag of tricks.
I just blinked.
I couldn’t feel my hands or my body.
The pain was too much.
The loss.
The fear.
The guilt.
It choked me, broke me, and the numbness was back.
I dissociated from this life.
I wanted another one.
The one where Aslan surprised me with a tattoo and promised to seduce me tonight with toys and fantasies.
I wanted the one where he was legally allowed to live here. Legally allowed to receive care. Legally allowed to get into that ambulance and come home to me once he was all better.
I floated above my body, looking down on Aslan strewn and still in the middle of the road as the medic worked on him.
I couldn’t do a damn thing.
I couldn’t breathe.
I couldn’t move.
I wanted to steal the ambulance and drive Aslan home myself.
I wanted to stab him with all the needles and patch him up with all the bandages.
If we could be left alone, I’d look after him.
I’d fix him, just like he fixed me.
Please, Aslan.
God, Aslan.
This can’t be happening...
I swayed on the spot, fighting the greyness in my vision and the strange stabbing pain in my lower belly. It fluttered and flittered like I’d swallowed a badly behaving bird.
The EMT glanced at me, his eyebrows coming down in worry. “Were you struck too?”
