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A pang of vicious homesickness filled me. My breasts leaked, and I plucked at my lilac jumper, doing my best not to end up with wet patches. Hearing Ayla automatically made my body ready to feed her, and it made me feel a thousand times worse.
God, what am I doing?
I left my daughter for this.
I let selfishness take me away from her when there’s nothing here but dashed hopes and death.
“I-I’m coming home.”
“No. Wait. Look, you’re there now. Why don’t you reach out to some of his family—”
“They’re all dead. Cem Kara made sure of that.”
“Shit.” Teddy’s tone went instantly serious. “Do you...you don’t think he knows you’re in Turkey, right?”
Ice dripped down my spine, followed by the awful knowledge that I didn’t care. I honestly didn’t care if he knew. He could kill me for all it mattered. I would miss my daughter, but...she wouldn’t miss me. She’d have Teddy and Eddie, and...perhaps that’s the best for everyone.
Stop it.
Don’t go there.
Not again.
You promised.
Death slinked through my mind, whispering like it had in those early days, taunting me with freedom from this everlasting pain. This never-ending guilt.
I shut it up, I blocked it out, but not before an evil little thought said...
Call him.
I froze.
An idea unfurled.
A terrible, awful idea.
“Teddy...I-I’ve got to go.”
“Go? Go where? Do you want me to book you something online? Where are you staying tonight? You need to call your parents so they at least know you’re alive.”
“I’ll call them after.”
“After what?”
“After I do something I should’ve done months ago.”
“But—”
“Look after my daughter. I owe you. I love you.”
“Neri—”
I hung up on him.
With shaking hands, I scrolled through my contacts and hovered over the number that’d called me at two in the morning a year ago. The number that’d been Aslan’s but was now his father’s.
Cem’s invitation squatted in the back of my mind, oozing with filth.
