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Chapter Forty-One
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Aslan
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(Heart in Dutch: Hart)
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Two months...
“A NEW DAY. A NEW LESSON. STRAP him in.” My father’s command cut through my half-dead state. I didn’t have the chance to wake up properly before strong arms hoisted me out of the fur-lined bed and dragged me back to the chair.
Every part of me begged for it to end.
I had no fight left.
No hope.
I had no idea how much time had passed, only that each lesson was worse than the last. To begin with, they’d been short. A few questions, a few zaps. It hadn’t even hurt that much. The voltage had stayed firmly in the green, and I’d ridden through the teeth-snapping, blood-stinging, involuntary spasms without too much hardship.
Each time Cem touched me with the picana or stuck electrodes to my head or feet, he’d cup my cheeks and apologise.
His despair was genuine.
His dedication to my lessons steadfast.
He both loved me and hated me, and that recipe drove me straight into hell.
Blinking back the blur of bad sleep and the heavy wash of sickness that seemed to be getting worse, I smacked my lips and forced myself to focus.
Each morning a guard came into my room, forced a bunch of pills into my mouth that I assumed were antibiotics, then stood over me while I ate.
The food I was given rivalled any expensive restaurant.
Hearty keskek and delicious sis köfte.
So many meals that I hadn’t had in so long and I wished I could enjoy them.
The aromas made my stomach snarl with delicious expectation, but every morsel tasted like dirt.
I lived in dirt.
I breathed in dirt.
And when the guard was satisfied I’d eaten every bit, my body rebelled and purged it. I’d barely reach the toilet in the second cave before hurling up the rich food. Food my body desperately needed to keep down.
It wasn’t by choice.
I wanted to get stronger, not weaker.
I hated that my ribs were beginning to show and the hole in my calf seemed bigger every day. The black trackpants and sweatshirt I’d been given hid the worst of my condition, but beneath it...I was wasting away.
I didn’t know why.
I cursed the worsening coherency of my mind.
