AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Just nothingness.
I couldn’t comprehend the missingness...the wrongness.
My body still felt as if it had two feet, ten toes, and was equally balanced like nature had designed. I even felt myself grabbing that missing leg. Felt my fingers on non-existent flesh. Felt a scratch that couldn’t be scratched and an ache that couldn’t be soothed. The phantom awareness fed me what my neurons believed still existed all while there was nothing.
Just bandages and pain and a stump where I’d once been whole.
I would never run again. Swim again. Be me again.
I was dead.
Neri believed it.
And now...so did I.
It was too much.
Missing Neri.
Missing myself.
Missing the future we could’ve had and knowing the future I would have to endure.
I snapped.
I sank.
I sank into the depression I’d never been fully free from.
I stopped fighting the black fog and sticky misery.
And I didn’t get back up.
The doctors kept me sedated.
Time passed without my knowledge.
My body healed.
The bandages were changed.
And by the time another month rolled around, I was slowly weaned off whatever drugs they’d pumped into my system, and the nightmares began.
Nightmares of Neri being strapped into that agonising chair.
Neri being sold as a slave.
Neri being raped by me all while my father held a gun to my head to do it.
I stopped sleeping.
I couldn’t bear to close my eyes.
I would rather suffer in a world where I’d been butchered than endure a dreamworld where Neri screamed.
The insomnia worsened my state of mind.
The inability to move on my own without a walking frame or wheelchair shattered my self-worth.
