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How that was possible, I didn’t understand.
How that was explainable, I might never know.
She was rare and unique and so fucking special that my knees gave out, slamming me onto her bed.
She gasped. “Aslan...are you okay?”
I laughed under my breath.
A long time ago, that word had been one of the most painful of my short sixteen years of existence. A four-letter, foreign word that didn’t bring back my parents or sister or cousin. It had lost its painfulness, but it still had the power to ask the toughest questions, demanding a simple answer when there was no simple answer to give.
“I’m okay.” I nodded. Wiping my mouth, I placed the photo and shell back on her nightstand. Slowly, I took the notebook out of her hands and put it back in the drawer.
I’m more than okay...
Something inside me was breaking apart, unfurling, and dissolving.
I might’ve fallen to the depths of my love for her, but I’d never felt lighter, less encumbered, or free.
She stepped into me. “Then what is it?”
“Those skips you felt.” I looked down and took her hands. “You were feeling me.”
“I was?”
I swallowed hard. I didn’t want to do this so soon, but...if we were going to be together, she’d see anyway. “I was hurt. Often. He used electricity to make me submit. The current ruined my heartbeat, sometimes for days at a time.”
“God...” Her fingers went stiff in mine. “H-How could he do that to you?”
“Because he believed he had authority over my mind and feelings. You’ll see the scars soon enough...and when you do, I want you to remember that I’m here now. You felt me at my worst. You were there with me when I was so sure I would die. I felt you, Neri. Just like you felt me. I’m so sorry you endured what I went through. That you know what it feels like for your heart to forget how to pump. If I could love you anymore for that, I would, but I’ve already fallen with every part of me, and I know without a shadow of a doubt you kept me alive. You kept my heart beating. I fought for you, stayed alive for you, and I’m so fucking grateful you waited.”
“Aslan...” A sob crawled up her throat. “God, Aslan...I’m so sorry. So sorry you suffered because of me. I was so stupid. So endlessly, so recklessly stupid. If only I’d listened to you. I’ve hated myself ever since that night. I can’t stop the guilt. If only I stayed quiet, those bastards would’ve kept walking and—”
“Neri.” I squeezed her hands. “Neri, listen to me.”
She swayed and blinked, chewing on her bottom lip.
“I told you on the phone, and I’ll tell you again, none of this was your fault. I’m grateful it happened, don’t you see?”
“But—”
“I love you, Nerida. I came back to you.” I raised her hands to my mouth and kissed her knuckles again. “I would’ve been caught eventually. Another day, another street corner...at some point, my time would’ve been up, and now...I’m free of all of it. I’m finally fucking free, and I’m not afraid anymore. How could I be afraid of the past when it’s returned me to you? How can I be afraid of the future when I know that we’re linked in ways that supersede everything? Nothing can hurt me again. Nothing can scare me. Nothing can take away this...this bliss inside me. I never thought it would be this easy. Never thought I’d feel this centred, this calm, this...whole, not after what he did. Not after five years of—”
I choked on so much, needing her to understand. “I’m finally free to love you with no fear. Knowing I have you, Neri? Knowing we are meant to be is the best kind of surrender there is. I surrender to you. And only to you. I give you everything that I am and...”
Pulling her into the V of my spread thighs, I untangled my fingers from hers and cupped her gorgeous face. “I need you, canim. I need you so fucking much. I’ve missed you every day for five years. I’ve dreamed of you, wished for you, begged for you. Be with me? Prove to me that you’re still mine because every inch of me is still yours.”
Tears ran down her cheeks, trickling over my fingers as she bent and kissed me. “I don’t deserve you, Aslan. But I vow I will never stop loving you with everything that I am.”
I groaned as her tongue speared into my mouth, sending us straight to hell.
Our kiss became a whirlpool of teeth and lips. My stomach clenched. My body hardened. The tingling heat between my legs felt so fucking good.
It’d been so long.
So long since I’d wanted to feel this.
To sink into this vulnerability where I felt everything.
