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Tangled words flew from my head.
With shaking hands, I tossed back the covers, revealing my cock, weeping and painfully hard. “Come here,” I growled. “Sit on me before I have a heart attack from needing you.”
“You cured me through sex,” Neri whispered as she moved to my side of the bed, kneeled on the mattress, then resumed her place over my lap. Her belly flexed as she straddled me. Her breasts bounced as she soared upward on her knees. Her mouth captured mine as she grabbed my cock, angled me upward, then sank down excruciatingly slowly. “If I can do the same for you, then I will be at your beck and call, Aslan.”
I groaned as she kept sinking, her body hot and wet, the pressure of her around me reverting me to something primal and oh, so fucking needy. “I wouldn’t say that if I were you,” I grunted, my hands landing on her hips and pushing her harder over me. “You’ll spend the rest of your life with me inside you.”
“I wouldn’t complain,” she moaned as I spread her completely, sinking in the final delicious inch. Our eyes dropped to where we were joined. It blew my fucking mind that a part of me was inside her. Imprisoned by her strength. Fisted by the flutters of her pleasure.
I swallowed a growl. “Fuck, I’m so close, and you haven’t even ridden me yet.”
Her eyes flashed. “Do you want me to ride you?”
“Is that a trick question?” I gasped as she rose up a little, then sank back down. A stream of Turkish curses escaped me as she clenched her inner muscles, sending every cell in my body to snap between my legs.
I could come far too easily.
We were expected at breakfast far too quickly.
But I had to answer her question. Had to give her the same peace of mind that I had so she wouldn’t worry or search for signs I wasn’t coping. I’d driven myself mad trying to help her after Ethan. Fear had made me reckless, and I’d forced her to fight me off in her room on Christmas all because I was so fucking terrified of losing her.
I didn’t want her to go through that.
I didn’t want her to think there was any chance that I would leave because she was stuck with me until death did us part.
“Wait.” I choked as she rocked her hips, fucking me with intoxicating rhythm. “Stop. Just...let me say this.”
She sat heavily on my lap, her arms thrown over my shoulders, her fingers knotted in my hair. Her gorgeous eyes met mine, and I reached up to cup her cheek.
“What? What is it?” she breathed. Her inner muscles fisted me, keeping me locked inside her.
Joined by body, mind, and soul, I murmured, “You know I’ve always struggled with letting go. You called me out on being sad in the past and begged me to get help to somehow be free of my ghosts. I wasn’t able to back then because...I didn’t feel safe. I was living in a country that wasn’t my own and loving a girl I wasn’t allowed to keep. I now know there are two types of trauma: physical and emotional. And I’ve lived most of my life trapped by both. The wanting you but knowing I wasn’t in a position to keep you? That was a direct threat to my life, just like the storm, the shipwreck, and everything that Cem did to me.
“My body has been through hell, canim, but so has my heart. I’m not going to deny that. I’m sure there will be days where I will miss my leg and I will remember all the moments that I wish I could forget...but...that is where my pain ends, Neri. I don’t know how to explain it any better than that. Whatever trauma I’ve endured is finally over. Everything that worried me before is gone. I have money. I’m legal. I have the ability to go home to Turkey without the fear of being slaughtered. And...I have you.”
“You have me forever.” She kissed me.
I kissed her back, then pulled away.
Catching her stare, I murmured, “You made my world a thousand times better when my life was temporary. You kept me present even though being present is what made me afraid. My mind wanted to find happiness, but in a way, I suppose I disconnected. I put barriers up because I’d already lost so much and I wouldn’t survive losing you. But...then that happened. The worst thing imaginable happened, and I spent five fucking awful years missing you.
“But...I survived. The physical pain is forgotten. What he took from me is forgiven. My past is in the past, and my future?” I cupped her breast, grazing my thumb over her pebbled nipple. “Well, I’ve never looked forward to something so much. I’ve never been more connected to life because it’s my life, and no one can take it from me again.”
I clenched my stomach muscles, sending my cock twitching inside her. “I’m connected to you, Neri. Body and heart. I’m safe now. I’m anchored. It’s like I’m finally waking up from a nightmare that no longer has any hold on me.”
I arched up and kissed her.
I licked her.
Nipped her.
Then I pulled away and breathed, “I need you to trust that I’m okay. I’m not lying. I’m not pretending. I’m truly, honestly okay. I’m okay because I’m safe. I no longer need to run or hide. Cem taught me that I can survive anything. I’m strong enough. I’m powerful enough, and that sense of safety within me is astounding. It’s liberating. It’s utterly freeing. So fucking freeing that I can say, here and now, you don’t need to worry about me. Because for the first time in my life, I mean that word. Those four little letters that are used so blasély.”
Flipping her onto her back, I pinned her against the bed and thrust. “I’m okay.” I drove in deep. “I’m okay.” I increased my pace and fed her every inch. “I’m going to be okay for the rest of my life.”
Her hands landed on my cheeks, holding me above her as I thrust and claimed her. She didn’t speak for the longest moment. Her eyes flaring with passion every time I rode her. But then tears welled and rolled from the corners of her eyes, soaking into the sea-scented pillow beneath her.
“Tamam, Aslan. Tamam.” (Okay, Aslan. Okay).
