AllFreeNovel
Share Us
CHAPTER 56 Alex
Ive been in the hospital a week. I hate nurses, doctors, needles, tests . . . and especially hospital gowns. I think the longer Ive been in this place, the crabbier Ive gotten. Okay, so I probably shouldnt have sworn at the nurse who took out my catheter. It was her cheery disposition that pissed me off.
I dont want to see anyone. I dont want to talk to anyone. The less people involved in my life, the better. I shoved Brittany away and it killed me to hurt her. But I had no choice. The closer she got to me, the more her life was in danger. I couldnt let what happened to Paco happen to the girl I . . .
Stop thinking about her, I tell myself.
The people I care about die, its as simple as that. My dad. Now Paco. I was an idiot to think I could have it all.
When theres a knock at my door, I scream, "Go away!"
The k
nock gets more persistent.
"Fuckin leave me alone!"
As the door creaks open, I hurl a cup at the door. The cup doesnt hit a hospital employee; it hits Mrs. P. squarely in the chest.
"Oh, shit. Not you," I say.
Mrs. P. s got new glasses, with rhinestones on them. "Thats not exactly the greeting I expected, Alex," she says. "I can still give you a detention for cussing, you know. "
I turn on my side so I dont have to look at her. "Did you come here to give me detention slips? Cause if you did, you can forget it. Im not goin back to school. Thanks for visitin. Sorry you have to leave so soon. "
"Im not going anywhere until you hear me out. "
Oh, please no. Anything except having to listen to her lecture. I push the button that calls the nurse.
"Can we help you, Alex?" a voice bellows through the speaker.
"Im bein tortured. "
"I beg your pardon?"
Mrs. P. walks over to me and pulls the speaker out of my hand. "Hes joking. Sorry to bother you. " She puts the remote speaker on the nightstand, deliberately out of my reach. "Dont they give you happy pills in this place?"
"I dont want to be happy. "
Mrs. P. leans forward, her straight bangs brushing the top of her glasses. "Alex, Im sorry about what happened to Paco. He wasnt a student of mine, but I heard how close you two were. "
I look out the window to avoid her. I dont want to talk about Paco. I dont want to talk about anything. "Whyd you come here?"
I hear the rustling as she pulls something from her bag. "I brought you some work to do, to catch up until you come back to class. "
"Im not comin back. I already told you, Im droppin out. It shouldnt surprise you, Mrs. P. Im a gang member, remember?"
She walks around the bed, coming into my line of vision. "I guess I was wrong about you. I would have bet youd be the one to break the mold. "
"Yeah, well, maybe that was before my best friend got shot. It was supposed to be me, you know. " Im looking at the chemistry book in her hand. All it does is remind me of what was, and what can never be. "He wasnt supposed to die, dammit! I was!" I yell.
Mrs. P. doesnt flinch. "But you didnt. You think youre doing Paco a favor by quitting school and giving up? Consider it a gift he gave you, Alex, instead of a curse. Paco isnt coming back. You can. " Mrs. P. places the chem book on the window ledge. "Ive had more students die than I ever thought possible. My husband urges me to quit Fairfield and teach at some school without gang members who live their lives only to die or end up as drug dealers. "
Sitting on the edge of my bed, she looks down at her hands. "I stay at Fairfield hoping I can make a difference, be a role model. Dr. Aguirre believes we can bridge the gaps, and so do I. If I can just change one of my students lives, I can--"
"Change the world?" I interject.
"Maybe. "
"You cant. It is what it is. "
She looks up at me, totally undefeated. "Oh, Alex. Youre so wrong. It is what you make it. If you think you cant change the world, then go on and follow the path already carved out for you. But there are other roads to choose, theyre just harder to trudge through. Changing the world isnt easy, but I sure as hell am going to keep trying. Are you?"
