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My knees buckled and I fell on my ass, clinging onto the catwalk rails, chest heaving in panic. The fear was the worst it had ever been. This wasn’t like jumping between the balconies, back in DC. I was jumping down so I couldn’t not look at the ground. And the ground was three hundred feet below. The top of the giant TV, where I’d have to land, was insanely narrow. I wasn’t graceful, like Tanya. I wasn’t sure I could make that jump even on the ground.
I wanted to go. I just couldn’t. The shame and guilt clawed at me. I’d never felt so helpless.
Tanya had got her balance, now, and she was starting to make her way along the top of the TV screens towards the ladder. Oh, God, she meant to get there first and block him from going up it. The ladder was on the opposite corner of the square, so she’d have to go along two sides. Meanwhile, Maravic was moving along the other two sides. He had a big head start but he was big and bulky like me, and he had to shuffle along inch by inch. Tanya was doing quick little steps, graceful as a gymnast on a balance beam, trying to catch up. Not too fast, I willed her, don’t go too fast—
She slipped, her foot stabbing out sideways into thin air. She fell forward and my throat closed up. But she caught herself on her hands and clung there for a second, straddling the edge of the TV. Then she climbed back up and carried on. She reached the corner and turned it. She’d caught up, now, she was going to get to the ladder first. But then what? He’d kill her, if they fought.
I have to go. I heaved myself up again, cursing at myself for being such a fucking coward. I staggered to the edge and—
The scene swam in front of me. My head went spacey and my vision went dark at the edges. I could hear myself hyper-ventilating and my body locked up: my feet might as well have been welded to the catwalk. I was screaming at myself, the anger and self-hate burning me up inside. You big fucking pussy, do it! Just do it! I wanted to go, I was fucking desperate to go, but the fear was just too big to overcome.
Something clicked in my brain. He’s not holding a canister anymore. We can shoot him! But my shotgun was useless for anything except close range. “Shoot him!” I yelled into my earpiece. “Shoot him! Somebody shoot him!”
I glanced around. JD, Danny, Cal and Gabriel had finished securing Maravic’s men and I saw them raise their rifles. But three of them were blocked by the dangling catwalks. Only Danny could even see Maravic.
Maravic was only six feet from Tanya, now, and shuffling closer. He took out his knife.
“Shoot him!” I screamed.
“He’s too close to her!” Danny snapped in frustration. “And this catwalk’s swinging around all over the place, I could hit her!”
Maravic’s arm snapped out and his knife flashed. Tanya had to dodge back and almost lost her footing. Both of them were having to work hard to keep their balance on the narrow platform, but I’d seen how deadly Maravic was with his knife. I knew how this would end.
Maravic twisted and lunged, slashing. Tanya’s scream carried even over the noise from below, and I saw blood drip from her forearm. She shuffled backwards, panting in pain.
And suddenly, I was backing up along the catwalk. As soon as I had enough room, I started forward: a jog and then a sprint and then a full on charge. My feet pounded the metal, the weight of my big body sending the whole thing tilting and swaying, but I didn’t care anymore.
I wasn’t being brave. I was more scared than before. But this fear filled my lungs with oxygen and made my heart pump harder. It made my muscles swell with blood as my body dumped all its adrenaline into my system at once.
As the edge of the catwalk came up, I gave a death cry and launched myself out into space, arms and legs flailing.
It turns out, there is something that can overcome fear: an even bigger fear.
I didn’t land, as such. I didn’t have time. My feet touched down on the top edge of the TV and I just staggered forward, letting my momentum carry me towards Maravic. He’d heard my yell and turned around. I saw his expression change to total shock—
I punched him in the face as hard as I could.
He swayed sideways and fell. But I was out of control and off balance and on my next step, I slipped. I went full-length and the top of the TV smacked me in the face. Dazed, I started to slither off—
