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In my case, though, I got lucky. And unlucky.
There was another spy, alone in the dark, just as frozen and alone as me. Just as damaged and ashamed, just as good at hiding their emotions. His name was Lev. We worked together, fought together, patched up each other’s wounds. And, after two years of circling each other, trying to remember how to trust again, we let ourselves fall for each other, even though such things were forbidden. Our two comets fused into one: a tough, icy shell on the outside but in the very center, a shared molten core that no one could see. For the first time, I knew what it was to be in love. To have someone in your life you need.
Then, after just two years together, I found out what it was like to lose them. Lev was ripped away from me, leaving my vulnerable center open and exposed to the darkness. I had no one I could tell, no shoulder to cry on. Utterly alone, I very nearly gave up.
And then, in the center of my pain, I found one thing worth living for. Vengeance.
I took my heartbreak and forged it into a new shell, even harder than before. Love was a weakness, one I couldn’t afford ever again.
23
TANYA
The tears in my eyes were coursing down my cheeks like I was a pathetic, bawling child but there was no noise, just a silent quaking. I sat there, broken and open, my back against Colton’s broad chest. He didn’t say anything, didn’t ask questions. He kept his arms around my waist, but it wasn’t to imprison me, anymore. He just held me. I needed it, and I hated that I needed it.
I felt...lost. I’d spent the last two years preparing to come face-to-face with Maravic again and I’d thought there were only two ways it could end. I’d kill him or, more likely, he’d kill me. I was okay with that. At least I’d die knowing I’d done my best to avenge Lev.
I’d never planned for this, for some big, stubborn American to get in the way and try to...save me. Unless I could get away from him, he’d hand me over to the CIA and they’d kill me. I’d die knowing Maravic was still out there.
It took a while for me to get myself under control. Then I sniffed, wiped my face, and shakily got to my feet. I gave Colton a warning look: that didn’t happen. And he nodded.
He led the way back to our camp and dressed the wound Maravic had given him. Then he hunkered down by one of the men we’d killed and searched the body. “No ID,” he said. He rolled up the man’s sleeve, then moved aside so that I could see. A Marine Corps tattoo. American. So Maravic was hiring American mercenaries, now.
Colton stood. “You gotta tell me what’s going on. Who was that guy? Why’s he after you? Why did he say you were after him?”
I took a deep breath, wincing as my bruised throat opened. He deserved to know. I’d be dead, if it wasn’t for him.
And then, just as I went to speak, I realized something. Maravic had tracked us down in the middle of rural West Virginia. Even we didn’t know where we were. How could he possibly have found us?
The only people who knew I’d jumped out of the plane were the people on it: Colton’s team. And the only people they’d have told were the ones they worked for: the CIA. That confirmed what I’d already suspected: Maravic was working with someone at the CIA.
I was pretty sure I could trust Colton. Maybe the rest of his team were decent people, too. But anything I told him was going to get back to the CIA sooner or later. And it got worse. Even if Colton believed my story, he still had to bring me in, and after all this time we’d spent together, the CIA would ask him a lot of questions. If they even suspected he knew anything, they’d torture him to get it out of him, then kill him. Just as they’d kill me.
I wanted to tell him. But the less he knew, the safer he was. I shook my head.
Colton glared at me from beneath knitted brows. But it wasn’t anger in those brown and amber eyes, it was hurt, and that made me feel even worse.
He took hold of my shoulders and spun me around, then pulled my hands behind my back. “Fine,” he growled. “Have it your way.” And he started to tie my wrists again.
“I saved your life,” I protested.
“I saved your life,” he snapped back. “But if you can’t trust me, I can’t trust you.” The rope cinched tight. “Let’s get out of here. If that guy finds a way back up the cliff, I don’t want to be here.”
