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I shook my head. I can’t. And then I tore my gaze from his and grabbed the two halves of his bow tie. Taking quick little breaths, I criss-crossed the fabric, knotted and pulled. I was suddenly having trouble seeing, but I’d fastened enough bow ties for enough men that I could do it almost by feel.
I felt Colton’s eyes burning down at me the whole time. But as I finished and tugged the bow tight, he finally sighed and nodded to himself.
I stepped back and forced my voice to be level. “Okay,” I said. “Let’s go crash a party.”
42
COLTON
We were hunkered down in our stolen car, watching from across the street. “Good luck getting in there,” I muttered.
The party was in a beautiful old three story corner townhouse, right in the heart of DC. And with so many rich folk on the guest list, security was tight. Three big guys with earpieces stood at the door, checking each guest’s invitation carefully before letting them in.
Tanya cursed under her breath. “Drive around the block,” she told me. “Let’s see if there’s another way in.”
I pulled away from the curb and started circling. While Tanya gazed up at the buildings, I had time to think about what had happened at the hotel. Fuck, when she’d stripped off right in front of me, those gorgeous soft breasts hanging down as she bent to put on her panties. I wanted her more than I’d ever wanted any woman: I only had to touch her and I was a pawing, panting animal, unable to think straight. But it went beyond sex, now, had done for a while. When I looked into her eyes I could see what this life had done to her. I wanted her to have all the shit I took for granted: having friends, a real life…hell, even just having a proper home. I wanted her to be able to feel again. Okay, love again, if you really had to hang a name on it.
But losing her man, Lev, had really destroyed her, just like losing his wife and kid had destroyed JD. JD had had Lorna to bring him back to life and show him he could have a second chance. Lorna was clever and subtle and female: women understand this stuff. How the hell was I meant to help her? I was a big, dumb bear trying to help a bird with a broken wing. I couldn’t even call Danny for advice like I normally would because he was trying to hunt my ass down, along with the rest of the team.
I stole a glance at her while she was looking up at the buildings. God, I needed her. I felt a tug in my chest every fucking time I looked at her. But we couldn’t be more different and it made me wonder whether we could ever make it work. She spun webs of lies out of nothing and always knew the right words to get someone to do what she wanted, while I just kind of scowled and muttered what I really felt. She was quick where I was lumbering and the way she tricked and betrayed and used people made me feel ridiculously naive, with my loyalty to the flag and to the team. Like this plan to infiltrate the party in disguise: she was great at all that stuff, but what could I bring to the table?
Tanya sighed. “No way into the house, not without alerting all the security. But it looks like the neighbors are out. If we can break into their house, I think we can get in that way.”
I had to stop myself from punching the air. Alright! I didn’t know how to sweet talk and lie but breaking a window or busting open a door, that I could do. “Once we’re in, how do we get to the party house?”
She pointed up at the third floor. The houses both had stone balconies and they almost touched. “We can jump across,” she said, smiling.
The rising excitement in my chest turned to cold, sick dread. Oh shit.
Five minutes later, we were standing on the balcony of the neighbor’s house. I knew I shouldn’t look down, but the drop drew me in like a car crash on the highway. I peeked over the edge…
Shit. How come everything always looked so much higher, from up top? The sidewalk was just far enough away for me to imagine the screaming, flailing fall while being just close enough that I could see the texture of the concrete where my head would split.
I pulled back, glowering and panting. Hating the fear, hating myself.
Tanya, oblivious, had marched to the end of the balcony and looked over. “It’s easy,” she said, and started to take her shoes off.
I reluctantly joined her and saw with a lurch of my stomach that the balconies didn’t almost touch. From down on the ground, the gap had looked like nothing at all but it was about four feet. I shook my head, feeling my feet go light, as if I was already falling. “That’s not—” I mumbled. “We can’t—”
