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“Listen.” I sip my water. I have to be good tonight. Mostly so I’m not a wreck tomorrow for the wedding. But also so I’m not too tipsy to have lots of sex with Riley later. “Whatever happens, we’ll make the best of it. We’ve done some pretty amazing things with tents, and all it takes are some fairy lights and extra flowers. It will be fabulous.”
Goldie puts a hand on her belly. “I have a feeling you’re lying to me because of my delicate condition.”
“I would never.” I grin. “Have faith. If mother nature refuses to work her magic, I’ll work mine.”
She leans her head on my shoulder. “Thank you, friend.”
“Whatever the weather, you still get to marry your baby daddy. That’s the important thing.”
“You’re right.” Straightening, she smiles. “I am really, really excited to marry Coop.”
My heart squeezes. “I’m excited for you. And I promise, your beautiful love story is already getting the beautiful weekend it deserves. It’s happening right now, Goldie. So let’s enjoy it.”
Taking a deep breath, she squares her shoulders. “Okay. Speaking of enjoying the weekend, fifty bucks says Lady and Joe will be making out by the end of the night. You can feel the sexual tension from here, can’t you?” Goldie reaches into a nearby dish and pops a cheese straw into her mouth. “Jesus Christ, those things are good. Are they yours?”
“Kind of.” I glance at my aunt, who’s standing on the other side of the bar at Stede’s. She’s chatting up Goldie’s parents, but apparently I’m not the only one who noticed the way she keeps looking at Joe across the room. “I didn’t make them, the restaurant did. But they use the Gibbes family recipe I taught Riley way back when.”
Goldie wags her eyebrows as she sips her cocktail. “Your restaurant. The one Riley just freaking gave you.” She lands a light punch on my shoulder. “Can you believe it?”
“He didn’t give me the restaurant. He’s just letting me use the kitchen to experiment with some recipes whenever I’m in town.”
“And how often is that going to be?”
My stomach clenches. Part of me is thrilled to pieces by Riley’s incredibly generous offer. What’s not to love? I get to cook in a state-of-the-art kitchen with an A-plus team of professionals, all while writing the book of my dreams.
It’s laughably, wonderfully insane.
I am seriously considering writing the book. But I’m just not sure what I want that process to look like.
I’m not sure what I want my life to look like. I got out of a committed relationship all of five minutes ago. I don’t disagree with what Goldie said about me falling out of love with Patrick well before our engagement ended. But that doesn’t mean I’m ready to jump head first into a very serious, very intense relationship with Riley right now.
It’s obvious he’s not interested in keeping it casual. I don’t think I am either. But I can’t kick the feeling that I need a second to breathe, like Mom said. To think. To maybe be on my own, so I can make smart, clear-headed decisions about building a brand-new life that’s true to me.
I’m pretty sure it will include Riley. But maybe he comes in a little ways down the road. I have to make lots of decisions in the meantime, and I can’t afford distractions.
Riley is a glorious distraction, yes. But a distraction nonetheless.
Do I want to stay in Charlotte? How much time do I want to dedicate to the cookbook? I don’t love my job at The Gibbes Group, but I don’t hate it either. I’ve worked really hard over the past eight-plus years to get where I am. Would I have to give it all up if I did leave Charlotte? No one in my group works remotely. I have some savings, and if I sold the house I own with Patrick, I’d have enough money to live on for a few months.
But if I sell the house, where am I going to live? I know if I mentioned any of this to Riley, he’d immediately tell me to move in with him. But again, that’d require me jumping into a committed relationship with both feet right away.
It’s not like I want to date other people. But maybe I don’t want to be beholden to anyone for a hot minute. I know firsthand how the expectations that come with a relationship can fuck with your head.
Just seems stupid—impulsive—to make all these decisions now.
“I don’t know how often I’ll be coming back to Bald Head,” I answer Goldie honestly. “This thing with Riley, it’s amazing. But I don’t know what the future holds. I’m not sure I’m ready to commit to anything right now.”
“All great points. But I have to ask, how does the idea of leaving Riley behind make you feel? Because I know you’re supposed to head back to Charlotte on Sunday.”
