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She finally meets my eyes, though there’s doubt in hers.
“It says here, you live with family, is that right?” I ask.
“Yep,” she says, biting her lip. “I think they want me out sooner than later though. I feel like a burden. Can’t do anything right. Makes it stressful, you know?”
I nod, “Completely understand. It certainly doesn’t make any of this easier feeling like you don’t have a place to call your own.”
She gathers a long breath. “They think I’m a failure who’ll never amount to anything. I want to prove them wrong, but… it’s hard.”
“You will. You’ll prove them wrong. I’ll make sure of it.”
“Yeah.” Her posture softens, a sign she’s growing more comfortable with me. “I was working so hard, trying to get ahead. And every time I see a chance when I might finally be able to breathe, something comes along and punches me right in the gut again.”
I give a sympathetic smile. “I know exactly what you mean. I’m here to make sure those punches don’t knock you out next time. But you have to promise me that you’re going to keep fighting, all right? You only lose at the game of life when you stop playing.”
“Did you read that on a calendar or something?” She cracks a sly smile at my cheesy saying.
“Probably,” I chuckle. “I find when this whole thing feels overwhelming, sometimes it helps to think of your why. You have a son. Is he your why?”
Ellie nods. “My only why.”
I think of my mother, and how she once told me I was the biggest motivator she had, something Ruth had kept pointing out every time it seemed insurmountably difficult to push forward. Right now, I want to be Ellie’s Ruth.
I reach over and touch her hand. “And I’m going to help you do that.”
Tears fill her eyes, but she blinks them away. “Thank you.”
And that’s why I do this. Not for the fame or notoriety. I don’t need to be a figurehead on anything. I just want to give other struggling women a hand up so that they can push back against all the hands that are continually holding them down.
In order to do more of that, I need resources. I need the flexibility and the extra money that making partnership is going to give me.
The second I show her out, I check my messages. Gentry still hasn’t responded. I can just imagine him hung over, lying in a bed in a room that smells like sex and perfume, milking this “kid” excuse of his for all it’s worth.
He probably doesn’t even have a kid.
16
“Brooks?” a voice says, weak, timid.
I look up from the screen of my laptop and find Jace nestled among the pillows on the other side of the sectional. The hair over his forehead is spiky with sweat, and his cheeks are two apples. He looks miserable. Guessing his fever hasn’t broken.
“Yeah, Bud?”
He doesn’t say anything. I think it was more that he just wanted to know he wasn’t alone.
Ellie would be here if she wasn’t working her shift at the pizza place. It’s been a couple days since I picked Jace up at school and had that little come to Jesus talk with her, and she’s been on her best behavior since. She hasn’t gone out clubbing, at least. I’m not sure how long it’ll last. Probably until this weekend, when her drinking buddies text her about the next big party.
Whatever. Baby steps. She’s working, so that’s promising.
I reach over and massage Jace’s little foot. “You want something? More Motrin? An ice pop?”
He shakes his head and his eyes drift closed again.
I turn back to my laptop.
I’ve been messaging with Stranger7721 for a couple hours. A rare treat, since it’s not even nine yet. I was so excited when I got on and saw the green light by her name. Apparently, she decided to call it an early day today.
Stranger7721: You’ve been on early, these past few days.
Stranger88: Yeah. Taking a few days off.
Stranger7721: Must be nice… can’t remember the last time I had a day off.
Stranger88: You never take vacation or anything?
Stranger7721: Vacation? What’s that?
Stranger88: What’s that saying? All work and no play…
Stranger7721: I’m not dull. I’m just busy. It won’t always be this way though. One day, I want a husband, kids, and complete control over my schedule, workload, and free time.
Stranger88: The American dream. How many kids do you want?
Stranger7721: At least six.
Stranger88: Six? Kids? Seriously?
Stranger7721: I’m kidding. At least two. Maybe three. I was an only child and alone a lot while my mom worked so I always wanted a big family. What about you?
Stranger88: I basically helped raise my younger sister. I feel like I’ve already had the ‘dad’ experience.
Stranger7721: So you don’t want kids then?
Stranger88: Maybe one. Someday. Not any time soon.
Stranger7721: Why’s that?
