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"Just try, Maggie. Whatll it hurt?"
"Im not going to be good. "
"Who says you have to be good?"
He doesnt know being good at tennis has always meant more than being good at tennis. Its so much deeper than that.
When I look at Caleb, I want to make him proud of me. Hes trying to fix whatever pain hes caused me. I want to help him, too. "Okay, Ill try," I say. "But dont expect much. "
"I wont.
Fifteen minutes later, were behind Paradise High looking out across the tennis courts. It brings back memories of me trying to prove myself. Taking a deep breath, I follow Caleb onto the hard, green surface.
When Caleb retrieved my racquet, I froze. I didnt even want to hold it. So after he fetched his own racquet and some tennis balls from his garage, he carried everything without complaint as we walked to the school.
Now hes holding out my racquet to me.
I hesitate.
Taking my hand in his, he wraps my fingers around the racquet handle
"Im scared," I admit to him.
"Me, too. "
I raise an eyebrow.
"Yeah," he says. "If you beat me. I have to keep up my tough-guy image, you know. "
That makes me laugh. "You dont need me to make you look tough, Caleb. "
With that, he takes the tennis balls and heads to the opposite side of the court. "Be easy on me," he jokes.
He hits the ball right to me, nice and slow. Instincts take over and I hit it back. It feels good, I have to admit, but it also feels strange. My body moves differently now, like Im stiff and cant loosen up. My legs, my stance, are both awkward and wrong. I cant balance on the balls of my feet and pivot when the ball comes at me. I cant lean over in the ready position, ready to strike at the ball when it flies by.
When Caleb hits the ball back to me, I dont swing.
He stands up and shakes his head. "You could have gotten that. "
"I didnt want to. Can we go now?"
"No. Hit this back to me ten times, then well go. "
He hits the next ball right at me. I hit it lightly.
"Nine," he says, counting down.
Three more balls come within arms length and I gently hit them, so they easily fly over the net right to him. My feet still havent moved from this spot.
"Six. "
Five more gentle balls fly over the net and bounce right in front of me. I send them flying back slowly.
"One more, Maggie. Then were out of here. "
Great. Only one more and the humiliation can end.
He sails one hard and fast over the net. It bounces five feet away from me. I dont even try to get it. He does it again . . . and again. I put my racquet at my side and stare at him. "Are you trying to humiliate me?"
"Stop acting like a baby and go for the ball already," he says, shaking his head. "Come on. "
How dare he!
This time, as the ball shoots over the net, my anger and nothing else drives me as I take three steps and whack the ball back at Caleb with all the pent-up power and frustration inside me.
It hits him squarely on his arm. "Ow!" I dont ask him if hes okay, because he has this arrogant look on his face and the corners of his mouth turn up in victory. "Did that feel as good to you as it did to me?" he asks.
I throw the racquet at him and head off the court.
I wont give him the satisfaction of knowing it felt exhilarating and awesome.
He steps beside me and pulls me to him. "Im gonna have a bruise, you know," he says. "But watching you whack that thing was damn hot. "
I look over at the welt growing on his arm. "It was?"
In a swift motion, he moves forward and pins me against the fence with his body. "Im going to kiss you. "
My stomach does a little flip; I forget about being mad. My nerves take over all emotions. "Here?"
"Oh, yeah. Right here, right now. You gonna run away this time?"
"I dont think so, but Im not sure. "
He smiles, amused at my answer.
I look up into his eyes that give me a glimpse into his private world, then lick my lips in anticipation.
And that is the beginning of our kissing marathon. All I have to say is that I dont feel inexperienced after an hour of lips and tongues and innocent and not-so-innocent caresses on both sides. I dont feel insecure about kissing anymore.
We moved from the courts to the park and back to my bedroom. On my bed. Caleb leans back and moans. "We have to stop this or my body is going to suffer aftershocks for days. "
Relaxing, I lay my head on his chest. "That was nice. "
"Yeah, too nice. "
Hes breathing heavily. We both are. I take a deep, slow breath and bask in the moment. I could stay here forever, just like this. Gazing. Feeling wanted. Feeling protected. Feeling normal.
"I should hate you for making me play tennis. "
"Yeah. But you cant, can you? Besides, weve had a makeout session youll be thinking about for weeks. "
"Youve got an ego problem. "
"Only with you. " He chuckles, then yawns.
"Do I bore you?" I ask.
"Not at all," he says, stroking my hair. "Its just . . . I dont sleep too well. And Im so relaxed and content my body is ready to crash. "
I lean up on my elbows. "So sleep. "
"Here?"
"Sure. My mom wont be home until late. " I start to get up, to leave him my whole bed so he could sleep in peace.
"Dont leave me," he says. "Lie next to me. " He pulls me down with him. "Youre so different," he says almost to himself.
"Dont say that," I tell him, looking away. I want to keep the false fantasy that Im the same as other girls, at least for a little while.
"Different in a good way. " His brows furrow. "A really good way. "
Then he pulls me tight against him. Were spooned together as if weve been dating for years. Were even sharing the pillow Ive slept on since I was ten. The last thing I remember before waking up is Calebs slow, rhythmic breathing behind me as he falls into slumber.
But now I hear the front door open and Im fully awake. "Caleb, wake up. My moms home. "
It takes him a second to get his bearings, weve been sleeping for over five hours.
"Wait here and dont make a sound," I say, then kiss him on his sleepy lips.
Sliding out from beneath his arm pinning me to him, I close my bedroom door and head downstairs. "Hey, Mom," I say, my voice groggy from sleep.
"I didnt mean to wake you, sweetheart. I hate these late Sunday nights, but Id rather have them and be able to spend the mornings with you. It seems we spend much too little time together lately. " She puts down her purse and starts climbing the stairs. I pray she doesnt want to hang out in my room and have one of those mother/daughter talks. Not now. But I guess if she does, the truth will come out. Maybe it would be a blessing in disguise, but Id rather not chance it.
"Its fine, Mom. You always worry about the small stuff. "
She doesnt hear the creak of my bed behind my door. But I do.
Moms eyebrows furrow. "Why are you sleeping in your clothes?"
Oops. "I was in my room and must have dozed. "
"Well, Im beat, too. Go back to bed. You have school in the morning. And change out of those clothes. "
"Okay. Good night. " I hope she doesnt realize Im anticipating with bated breath the moment she closes the door to her room.
When she closes her bedroom door, I hurry back to my room. Caleb is sitting on my bed, startled. "Im so sorry," he whispers, still looking as dangerous and cool as ever even half-asleep. "I lost track of time. "
"Me, too. "
He walks over to the window.
"Caleb, what are you doing?" I whisper.
"Finding a way out. "
I put my hand on his arm and tug on it. "Youre not jumping out my window. Just wait fifteen minutes and Ill lead you to the front door. My mom sleeps like the dead and she f
alls asleep really fast. Besides, if we get caught were in this together. Right?"
It takes him a while to respond. Its almost as if he doesnt believe what I just said. "Yeah. Right," he finally murmurs.
THIRTY-THREE
Caleb
I met with Damon this morning, after convincing my parents I stayed out late because I was at Brians and we lost track of time. They bought it. Damon came for some sort of evaluation for the State of Illinois. He interviewed my family, even Leah, then we hung out in my room while he grilled me with questions.
I told Damon I asked Maggie to see her leg, leaving out the part that we work together every weekday after school, or the fact that shes the only person who makes me forget the past year even happened. God forbid I should tell him I slept with her last night, in the literal sense of the word.
Damon shakes his head. "Its forbidden to confront your victim, Caleb. "
"I didnt confront her. "
Damon crosses my room and puts his hand to his head as if he has a headache. "You sweet on her?"
"Who?"
"Maggie. "
"No. No way," I lie.
"You small town kids are a breed apart. Okay, heres the deal: stay away from her. "
"Do I have a choice?"
"No. " Damon opens his folder and clicks his pen. "Youre almost done with your community-service requirements. A gazebo for Mrs. Dorothy Reynolds. I see youve been on that job for three weeks. "
"If all goes well I should be done by the end of next week. "
Damon seems impressed. "Good work, Caleb. You started out rocky, but youre a decent kid. Lets meet again next week and talk about whats going to happen after your release. "
Im feeling energized after Damons visit, knowing the jail threat is almost behind me. I just have to keep the fact that Im with Maggie a secret.
I knock on my sisters door. Shes in there. Her room is her cave. My sister hibernates except for school and meals.
She doesnt answer, so I knock louder. "Leah, open up. "
"What do you want?" she says through the door.
I sigh. This is harder than I thought. "Just open the fucking door. "
She opens it a crack. I push it the rest of the way open and walk inside. Its too dark in here so I pull the shade up.
"Keep it down. "
"Yeah, well, we have to talk and I cant see a damn thing. "
"I dont want to talk. "
"Too bad," I say, my hands crossed in front of my chest.
Leahs gripping the handle of the door, like shes ready to flee.
"Are Mom and Dad home?" she asks nervously.
"Theyre out. "
She lets out a small breath.
I dont even know where to start. I just know Im ready to say it out loud. Its been pent up inside of me for over a year. The demons got to get loose. Life is not about covering up for crap and living in a fantasy world.
I take a deep breath and tell my sister, "You hit Maggie with the car and I took the fall for it. It sucked, but its over. I wouldnt have done it if I knew youd act like a fucking corpse the rest of your life. "
Her eyes are wide as if her brain is registering the truth for the first time.
"Talk, Leah," I order. "Say something . . . anything!"
