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“I thought with your mom and Rowan’s mom visiting, it was a perfect time for me to come for a surprise visit. We’re a little contingent from Stolen Hearts Valley.” Cindy’s smile was a little forced.
I heard Rowan’s reply under his breath. “Not sure how that makes a lick of sense.”
God only knows how, but we shifted into small talk, most of the conversation carried by my mother and Linda.
As if this shit show couldn’t get worse, Farrah walked in with Tiffany and Wes.
It wasn’t like I had to greet everyone I knew in Firehouse Café, but it would be near impossible to ignore them. Moments later, the three of them were beside the table, and Cindy was introducing herself as my “ex-fiancée, I guess” as she kept trying to catch my eye.
Farrah’s eyes lifted to mine, and I could see the questions swirling there. All I wanted was for Cindy to get the fuck out of here and to steal a few minutes alone with Farrah to explain this mess.
The next few hours were a special version of hell. My mother, of course, didn’t feel right just leaving Cindy alone, so she wanted her to come with us. She pulled me aside. “I had no idea Cindy was planning this. You know I can’t leave Brenda’s daughter alone here.”
“Mom, Cindy isnotstaying with me, and y’all are due at the airport soon.”
I drove them all back to the airport after telling Cindy she couldn’t stay with me. Cindy wanted to “talk” with me, so I found a spot in the parking garage after my mother and Rowan’s mother headed for the gate.
“Okay, what’s up?” I asked once I was parked. “There’s nothing left for us to talk about, but you said you wanted to talk.”
Cindy blurted out, “My flight doesn’t leave for a week.”
I looked over at her for a long moment. “Cindy, you’re not staying with me, and I’m not hosting you for a visit around town. You can get a hotel here in Anchorage. You can do whatever the fuck you want. I don’t know what you think you’re doing, but you and I are not getting back together. I’m not mad at you anymore. I wish you and Dan the best.”
Cindy burst into tears. My jaw tightened, and I took several slow breaths while I waited. After a moment, Cindy turned away to look out the window. She took a sniffling breath and glanced back toward me. She swiped at the tears rolling down her cheeks and fumbled for a tissue in her purse before blowing her nose.
At one time, the sight of Cindy crying would’ve elicited the urge to comfort her, to make it all better. I didn’t feel any of that right now. I meant what I said. I wasn’t mad at her anymore, but whatever we once had was gone for me. I cared for her in a detached way.
After a moment, she whispered my name, twisting the tissue in her hands. “I thought we could try again.”
I bit the insides of my cheeks to keep from sighing. “Cindy, I’m really not mad at you, but we can’t try again. I don’t want to try again, and I never will.”
“I want to try!” she burst out, her eyes narrowing.
I studied her, taking in the face I knew so well. She had honey-blond hair on the dark side. Her eyes were big and brown. She had a little spray of freckles on her cheeks that I used to love. Now when I looked at her, I experienced an objective appreciation of her beauty and nothing more.
I didn’t want to rehash this discussion. At all. But here we were.
“I don’t want to try again, Cindy. I’m assuming things aren’t working out very well with you and Dan if you flew all the way here for this,” I pointed out, striving for a gentle tone.
She sniffled and shrugged. “We broke up.”
At one time, learning this detail would’ve felt satisfying. The anger I initially experienced when I learned about their shared betrayal had been white hot. It had faded, and now there was just a twinge, a reminder of why trust wasn’t worth it.
“Well, I’m sorry to hear that,” I finally said.
“Is what I did unforgivable?” she pressed, her tone bordering on annoyance.
“Ihaveforgiven you, but I don’t think you understand that forgiveness doesn’t mean I want to try again. Forgiveness also doesn’t mean I’m stupid. I said it before, but I guess you need to hear it again. I understand that I might not have been the most emotionally available guy after my dad died. Instead of trying to be there for me and understanding what I was going through, you cheated on me with my friend. I’m sorry to hear you and Dan didn’t work out. I understand you want to try again with us, but I’m just not there, and I won’t ever be. I hope for your sake that you’ve learned from this. I’m not the person for you to try to make it right with. You’re going to have to find your own way through this.”
She chewed on the inside of her cheek and kept twisting the tissue between her fingers to the point it was fraying. “Cooper, I wasn’t thinking. I guess you got what you wanted. Dan and I didn’t work out, and now I’m dragging around the reputation that I screwed around on my fiancé with his friend after his dad died. You wouldn’t believe the way people look at me in town.”
“I’m sorry to hear that, Cindy. We’re not here today because of what I wanted. What I wanted was for us to work out. I don’t anymore. Forgiveness doesn’t mean everything goes back to the way it was. You’re going to have to figure this out yourself. I think you think us being back together will make it all better, but it won’t. This would always be between us because it isn’t just that you cheated on me. It’s that you weren’t there for me when I needed you. I would always wonder if you couldn’t handle being there for me when things were hard. Youwillfind someone else, and you can take the lessons from this to that relationship.”
She blinked, and a single tear rolled down her cheek. “I’m sorry,” she whispered.
For the very first time, I sensed her apology was heartfelt. “I’m sorry too. Now, I’d suggest you go into the airport, change your flight, and fly home. Maybe you and Dan will figure things out, or maybe you’ll meet someone new. I wish you the best.”
Cindy could be stubborn, a trait of hers I was very familiar with, but she appeared to recognize this was final. Her cheating on me had screwed up more for her than our relationship. Before that, she had a good reputation in our small town. I had enough sense to know that what others thought of you could be a bunch of bullshit. Everybody made mistakes, many of them not so public. But now, she had to live with these mistakes and learn to ignore how others viewed her or prove them wrong.
