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Before Hallie left, they had put Danny down to finish his nap in the living room. He was within view of where we were seated in the kitchen.
“You seem to have settled right into this marriage and kid thing,” I commented.
Chase chuckled, his gaze sobering. “You know, if you had asked me about it even a few months before this all went down, I would’ve told you no way, no how. But I love it. It helps that I love Hallie. Don’t get me wrong, I was slightly terrified at the prospect when I found out she was pregnant and would keep the baby. I think things work out the way they’re supposed to.” He studied me for a moment. “I’m not saying youshouldhave kids, but I think you’d make a good father. It sure seems like you love Quinn.”
I took an unsteady breath. Anxiety slithered down my spine, and my heart tumbled unsteadily in my chest. Ididlove Quinn. I just didn’t want to fail.
“I wish I knew what to do.”
“Maybe it would help if you think about how you’d feel if you don’t go for it,” Chase suggested.
“What do you mean?”
“When I started to panic after I found out Hallie was having a baby and I was falling for her, sometimes I tried to imagine how I would feel if I didn’t take the chance. That was more terrifying. How would you feel if Quinn had a baby on her own or if she was with someone else?”
I stared at Chase as a sense of panic seized me inside. “Oh fuck,” I muttered.
“Didn’t mean to scare you, but it’s a way to think about any choice. You’ve obviously known Quinn longer than I knew Hallie before we were together. In the time we’ve been together, I’ve definitely learned that the underlying friendship is really fucking important. You don’t just have to love each other; you have to like each other. Because the day-to-day shit can be hard. Life on its own can be hard. If you have someone you care about, and you’re decent and there for each other when the logistic challenges of life slap you in the face, you’re in a much better place. That’s a foundation you can build on. Maybe I haven’t known you forever, but I get the sense Quinn means a lot more to you than just a friend. Maybe thinking about it that way will help you figure out what you want.”
After I left Chase’s house, my mind kept spinning on that question. If I took the path that didn’t include life with Quinn, a sense of bleakness gusted through me.
Maybe I had my answer, but I still wasn’t sure Quinn had faith in me.
ChapterThirty-Six
KENAN
Blake and I flew back to Fireweed Harbor, and I told myself I didn’t have to rush this. As I drove into the office one morning, the holiday spirit was in full swing in Fireweed Harbor with holiday lights glittering in the snowy darkness. Quinn and I had seen each other once since I got back. We had played it off casually, like everything was fine with us. Except my heart ached and my pulse raced.
Every time I considered Chase’s thought exercise, it nearly sent me into a panic. Because the idea of Quinn having a baby by herself—or even worse, actually meeting someone else and getting serious—was something I could hardly bear. My thoughts shied away from the idea like a wild pony.
Yet I was still smarting from the fact that I didn’t feel like she believed in me enough to reconsider, to grow. Maybe I had been uncertain about being a father and taking that leap—not just with her but with anyone. She’d been so quick to dismiss me, saying she didn’t think I was ready because of what I’d said before. It hurt a lot. I also wondered if she didn’t have faith in me as a partner. That burned.
I stopped by Rhys’s office one afternoon after he had texted me. When I popped in, Quinn stood beside his desk, holding a file folder against her chest. She looked over at me, smiling tightly. “Hey, Kenan,” she said.
Her voice sounded casual, but I heard the underlying thread of tension woven into it.
“Hey,” I replied.
She glanced back over at Rhys. “I’ll follow up. I need to swing by to check in with my parents about something at their office. I’m sure I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“I’m sure you will,” Rhys replied.
Quinn departed, closing Rhys’s office door behind her. His gaze met mine—the look there far too perceptive for my comfort.
“What?” My tone was defensive, and I knew it.
“Nothing. Actually, I’m dodging there. I’ll point out the obvious. Things seem a little tense between you and Quinn. Have you come to your senses yet?”
“What are you talking about?” I grumbled.
“You’re in love with her. Just admit it and put the rest of us out of our misery.”
I plunked down in the chair across from his desk with a sigh, running a hand through my hair before letting my hand fall with a thump to the armrest. “We’re figuring it out.”
“Are you? Because it seems like you’re avoiding each other,” he offered pointedly, although his tone was gentle.
I narrowed my eyes. “We’re figuring it out,” I repeated. “Now, what did you need?”
