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She nods, and as I continue, I hold her gaze. "I love your son. He’s the strongest, most caring man I’ve ever met. But the bomb you threw at him last week inflicted severe emotional damage."
Carmen’s eyes become glassy and her lip trembles. Emotions swirl through my chest, but I proceed
"Your son is carrying a truckload of demons with him that torture him every day. And I’m going to share the most important one with you. It’s about his piano talent. I doubt he told you the actual reason he refuses to play."
Carmen swallows and shifts in her seat, placing her intertwined hands on the table.
"It isn’t Cole’s stubbornness that prevents him from playing. The real reason that he hasn’t played the piano in fifteen years is that he blames himself for his father’s death. He believes that if he hadn’t left that night at the concert hall, his father might still be alive. The guilt he carries makes it impossible for him to play."
Carmen’s eyes widen, and the color on her cheeks pales. She opens and closes her mouth, but no words come out. I continue by asking her another of my burning questions.
"Why did you offer Jessica that money? Why didn’t you let Cole deal with the issue by himself?"
A long breath escapes her lungs. She takes a sip of her tea and places it back on the saucer before speaking. "Gregory’s death had a profound impact on me, Alisha. The grief consumed me. And when Jessica came by and said she was pregnant, the immediate fear of losing my son kicked in hard. I believed she was after his money. To test my theory, I offered her the check and said Cole had a bright future and wasn’t ready to be a parent, and that it was best for both of them this way."
Carmen stares into nothingness as she continues.
"When Jessica ripped up the check and left, I doubted my actions. For two weeks, I hated myself, and when I was ready to tell Cole the truth, she called me back, saying she needed the money. Her words convinced me I had been right the whole time. That the child wasn’t Cole’s—that it was a scam—and that is why I let her sign the confidentiality agreement before sending her the money. I wanted to make sure she wouldn’t bother us anymore."
She sighs. "I assumed I did the right thing for fifteen years. But then when Cole came by that morning and unraveled the truth, my heart dropped. He told me Jessica's fifteen-year-old girl was his daughter. Right away, the deep fear of his reaction kept me from confessing the hideous truth. Until dinner at my house. When I saw Samantha play the piano, she had that same focus Gregory and Cole used to have when they played. It was so beautiful and fascinating to watch, but the intense guilt that followed was unbearable, and it made me confess to Cole what I did."
As Carmen glances out the window, she wipes a set of tears away. For a moment, they contact mine before they fall back to the table. "I know I’m a monster. Because of my fear and self-centered actions, Cole lost fifteen years of his daughter’s life, and I’ll never forgive myself for that. I don’t expect him to forgive me; I don’t deserve that. But you have to understand that after Gregory died, I was in an awful place, Alisha. Even throughout our struggling marriage, he was the love of my life. To have your loved one taken away from you in a blink of an eye does something with you."
She wipes away another set of genuine tears, and I do the same. "I didn’t even get the chance to say goodbye." She sighs a few times before she looks at me. "Why did Jessica take the money when she knew Cole was the father? Why didn’t she ignore my words and search for him to tell him the truth?"
I raise a brow at her. "Uh, you know you can come across like a very authoritative, strong, opinionated woman?"
She bows her head and stares at the table. "God, I failed as a mother. But I love my son."
"Then why did you and your husband push Cole so much?"
She sags back into her chair. "When I met Gregory, he already was a unique and talented piano player. The piano was a part of his soul, and when we found out our son inherited his talent, he was over the moon. Cole and his father were two peas in a pod. Watching them play was magic."
Her lips curl as she remembers. "Cole, as a young boy, loved the attention his dad gave him, and his talent grew by the day. But when Gregory had his bike accident, and he couldn’t play anymore, he changed. He became depressed. Watching him struggle, and not being able to do something for him as a partner, was horrifying."
Carmen’s eyes get a sad expression. "The only thing that would get him out of bed was when Cole played piano. One day, he decided he wanted his son to be the best piano player in the world. From that day, he had a purpose, and nothing was going to stop him from realizing that dream. For years, everything was okay. Cole kept playing, and I kept supporting my husband."
I mull over her words, and as I scratch my arm, another question arises. "But as Cole grew older, he didn’t like the pressure, and he said he needed a break. Why didn’t you listen to him?"
"I did." Her eyes meet mine. "Cole doesn’t know because he wasn’t there the times that I confronted my husband. I told Gregory several times that he was pressuring our son too much. It led to long and heated arguments between us. One night when I defied him again, he got furious and gave me a choice. Leave and never come back or trust and support his dreams. He said that if I left, he’d raise our son alone. I stayed because my heart was his and our son’s, and he knew that. But I knew one day Cole would rebel against his dad and me. He has my temperament," she says. A glimpse of a smile flashes over her face, but it’s gone the moment she continues.
"That one day came after I had another long argument with Gregory. Cole came to me and told me he was going to tell his father that he needed a break. And I knew he was serious." She shakes her head as she remembers. "I got scared, and to prevent him from confronting his dad, I did the worst thing a mother can do. I guilt-tripped my son to keep playing the piano by blaming him for his father’s accident."
Carmen places her hands before her eyes and sobs. I let her cry, and I sit back in my chair.
My gut tells me she’s speaking the truth. It’s clear she and her husband had a troubled relationship after his accident. Cole’s father was the one who tried to live his dreams through Cole and expected everyone to cooperate. It sheds light on the reason why she reacted the way that she did. Does it make it right? Hell, no!
I slowly release a deep breath. The Jessica dilemma. My God. For fifteen years, she convinced herself that Jessica lied? I can understand that in her mind, a woman that calls back after two weeks asking for the money only reinforced her suspicion that it was a lie. But it wasn’t.
When Carmen has calmed, I share with her the vital information she needs to hear. "I know why Jessica called you two weeks later."
She glances up.
"Jessica’s mother was sick and needed expensive medication, but their insurance didn’t cover those costs. That is why she accepted your money. She used it to pay for the medical bills."
Carmen gasps for air. "Oh my god, what have I done!" Her eyes widen, and her breathing becomes rapid and shallow. The shaking of her hand increases as her skin color pales. "I... can’t breathe." She tries to catch her breath, but it only becomes shallower.
I grab her hands over the table and speak in a firm but caring voice. "It’s going to be alright. Deep breath in. Slow breath out."
