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"He's dead, Mom." Her breath hitches, and her eyes fill with tears. I focus my attention on the wall behind her. I understand these harsh words hurt her, but this is the only way to make her stop.
"I'm well aware that he's gone, Cole. I was there," she whispers while standing on the threshold.
A stabbing pain shoots through my chest, hearing the hurt in her constricted voice. With a straight posture, she strides away and disappears into the elevator.
Fuck.
I slam the door and walk straight onto the balcony. Tension builds as the overwhelming memories torture me like a swarm of bugs. My hands grip the baluster as the need to destroy something rises. I focus on my breathing to calm the raging sea inside of me, but it isn't working. The sound of heels clicking tells me I'm not alone anymore. I try to push the memories away, but they keep attacking me.
"Cole?" Alisha's soft, melodic voice drifts through my dense thoughts like a sweet breeze. Her eyes dart over me in search of an answer as she stops next to me. "What happened?"
"Nothing." I stare at the clouds drifting by.
"Come on. Talk to me."
When I don't respond, she continues, "I understand from whom you inherit that stubbornness. Your mom is one strong, opinionated woman. Has she always been like this?"
"Yeah."
Alisha stares at me while contemplating what to do or say next. "Okay, another question then. Try to answer with more than one or two syllable words. What is behind the locked door in your bedroom?"
The demons inside of my mind grow to monstrous proportions. "Nothing."
"Then can I have a look inside?" she shoots back.
"No!" My hands clench into fists.
"Why not?"
Her drive to get an answer out of me pushes the monsters I'm trying to suppress to the surface, and I spin and bark a few inches from her face. "Are you deaf, Alex? I said, no. Drop it!"
She sucks in a breath while blinking her eyes. I pick up a glimpse of hurt in her jade-green irises, but she pushes it to the side and replaces it with another emotion.
"What the hell is your problem, Bulldozer?" she yells back, pressing her hands against my chest. When that doesn't affect me, she takes a step back. "Don't you dare yell at me like that ever again, Cole Walker. I don't deserve that. I'm only trying to help you."
"Then. Leave. Me. The. Fuck. Alone."
She swallows and blinks a few times more, before lowering her head and staring at her hands.You fucking asshole, look at what you're doing.I want to pull her against me, kiss her sweet lips, and tell her I'm sorry for yelling, but I can't. The chaos that cloaks my head makes it impossible for me to speak as the brutes torment my soul. So instead of apologizing, I bend forward, place my elbows on the baluster, and drop my head in my hands.
"Do you know what you are, Cole? You're a hypocrite. How dare you lecture me on how important it is to talk about my fears and demons when you don't even do it yourself. Why won't you trust me? Why do you hold on to them so hard? Why do you keep hiding behind your shield of arrogance and grumpiness?"
The layer of hurt in her voice stings badly. She lets out a deep sigh, and her next words hit me like a hammer.
"I'm going home, and I'm taking Samantha with me for a few hours."
I shift my head slightly, only to see her brushing a hand over her arm while biting on her bottom lip.I'm a goddamn asshole.She lets out a long sigh, and before she turns to walk away, she adds with a clear but monotone voice.
"Send me a text when you are in the right state of mind, and then I will send Samantha home. But if you need more time, she can stay with me tonight, and I'll make sure she gets to school tomorrow."
She takes a step forward, bends her head towards me, and speaks softly, "The last thing I want you to understand is that if you decide not to be honest with me about whatever is haunting you, Cole Walker, you can kiss that bullshit contract of yours goodbye. Because then, I'm out."
Without another word, she turns and walks off. A while later, I pick up and listen to the faint voices of the girls walking out of the house. With the sound of the door falling in its lock, a sense of emptiness washes over me. I swallow, and with pain piercing through my constricted throat, I whisper into nothingness, "I'm sorry."
21
ALISHA
Samantha licksher fingers for the third time. "This was delicious." Her tomato sauce-stained lips retract a snicker from me as I lean back on the couch and run my hands over my stomach.
