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If I didn’t know him, I would be afraid he was going to seriously hurt me or maybe even kill me right here. But behind that anger, that hatred that I know he also feels for me sometimes is desire, just waiting to boil over and blur the lines.
“I don’t know,” I say truthfully around my tears that I can no longer hold back. This is something that nobody can prepare for. It’s one thing to know your husband cheated on you or hid something, but this… this is a whole other level of deception. “How the hell am I supposed to just pretend like it doesn’t bother me to know I wasn’t good enough for him? To know my entire life was a lie. He made me feel safe.”
Mads’ eyes soften as he grips my chin. He releases it, bringing his other hand up to cup my face. My eyes fall from his to his mouth and for a brief second, I think he’s going to kiss me. He leans in. I can feel his breath against my lips, but instead, he squeezes his eyes shut, pressing his forehead against mine briefly.
“I wish I knew what to say or do, Emery. I really do. I know you think I’m only a selfish asshole and while I mostly am, I do feel for you, for your pain. But there’s nothing I can do or say that’s going to make it better. You just have to face it.”
I grip his shirt with my hands, stepping forward to kiss him, but he steps back.
“Kiss me.” I step closer to him again.
“No.”
“Fine. Fuck me.”
“No.” I feel my face flame with embarrassment from the rejection. “I won’t let you make that mistake with me again.”
“Fine.” I glance back, looking over my shoulder. “I’ll find someone else to do it.” I go to take a step away from him and head upstairs when his hand darts out and grabs me.
“What the fuck did you just say?” He tugs me toward him, spinning me around so that my back is against the wall, his hand at my throat.
“I said let me go so I can find someone else to fulfill my needs since you clearly can’t do it for me.” His grip tightens, restricting my airway as he grits his teeth.
“Don’t think for one second I don’t know what you’re doing. You think you can manipulate me?”
I reach my hand out, pressing against his cock that’s already rock hard. “Seems like it’s working.” His eyes drop down to where my hand is gripping him. “Or do you prefer to take it against my will?” I reach for his belt, but he swats my fingers away and shakes his head.
“That’s against the rules, young lady.”
“I thought that you were the boss.” I drag my teeth over my lip. I can see his resolve slipping. “Please,” I say softly, “I just want to feel anything right now besides anger and hatred.” I stroke him, his eyes fluttering as he releases my throat. “Please make me feel good, Mads.” I reach for his hand again, bringing it back beneath my dress. This time he doesn’t pull it away when I guide him to my panties. “Please let me come.”
His fingers rub me through my silk panties, his eyes boring into mine. “You’re soaked,” he says under his breath as slips his fingers past my panties. He spins me around, his lips on my neck as my hands press against the glass in front of me.
“Watch them,” he commands as he plunges a single finger deep inside me. His other hand rests gently at the base of my throat as he begins to fuck me with his fingers.
I watch the man behind the glass hold the bar in his hands, bending the woman on her back almost in half as he plunges into her. I imagine what it would be like to be her, to be fully on display as Mads fucked me relentlessly for hours.
Since that one encounter we’ve had, every time I close my eyes, I relive every touch, every word he said to me while he was inside me. I wanted to stay. I had hoped he would keep me all night, but it ended far too soon. The guilt I’ve been feeling for wanting him, for allowing him to touch me so soon after Dane’s death, is all but gone after learning what he was doing behind my back.
I know it’s only in this moment. That once I’m alone later it will come crumbling down around me and I’ll be buried all over again in grief and sadness. But for now, right now, all I can focus on is Mads’ fingers pumping in and out of me as he whispers filthy things in my ear.
“I never thought you’d enjoy watching others fuck. You’re always so proper, so uptight,” he says as he slams his fingers deeper into me. “Who would have known you’re a naughty little voyeur.”
“Oh, don’t stop,” I beg. “Please don’t stop, Mads.”
“Fuck.” He pulls his fingers almost all the way out, then slides them deep inside me, making me moan. “I love hearing you say my name.”
I press harder against the glass, trying to stay focused on the couple in front of me. The man has flipped the woman to her stomach. He reaches for the toy in her ass and pulls it out, tossing it on the bed before replacing it with his cock.
But all I can think about is what Mads just said.He loves hearing me say his name.I want to ask why. I want to ask if he just means me or anyone woman he’s being intimate with, but I don’t want to ruin the moment.
“Be a good little slut and come on my fingers so I can taste you for the rest of the night.” He presses his palm against my clit hard as he moves his fingers back and forth rapidly against my G-spot, sending an explosion of stars behind my eyes.
A sharp pain shoots through my shoulder and down my armat the same moment I climax as he sinks his teeth into my neck, my orgasm tearing through my body as I flood his fingers.
“Mmm, turns out you are a good girl, aren’t you? So obedient.” His words send an aftershock through my body as he slowly removes his fingers from me and brings them to his mouth to lick clean.
My head falls back against his shoulder as I try to catch my breath and gain my composure. “I want—more.” The words slip out, but I’m not ashamed. I grab his hand and bring it to my neckline, sliding it beneath the material to cup my breast.
