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She swallows. “I thought you didn’t want a life like that?”
“I didn’t want it unless it was with you.” Her hands rest on her knees as she stares up at me with big green eyes. “I know what you want, Emery. You want a man like me, one who will destroy the world if it means I can keep you safe. A man who won’t hide who he is from you. A man who will explore your sexuality with you, encourage you to explore your body.”
“We tried that, remember? You wouldn’t let me at the club.”
“No, you tried to get me to fuck you in public, and that will never happen. You understand me? You’re mine and that means your body belongs to me.” My chest burns with anger just thinking about it. “Is that what you wanted, Emery? For other men to see you like that? Hear you moaning as you ride my cock?” The thought makes my stomach lurch.
Defiance settles in her eyes. “So everything is on your terms? You love me and want me but only if it’s what suits you? Should I call you Dane too?”
I pull my hand back from her chin, sliding my hands into my pockets. “If that’s how you want to see this, then so be it, Emery. Make yourself miserable, but I guarantee you, I will break you. Until then, feel free to reevaluate how you see things while you’re in here.”
I walk out of the bedroom, slamming the door behind me and locking it.
17
EMERY
The sound of the bedroom lock clicking makes me jump. I walk to the door slowly, reaching out to grab the handle. I turn it but it doesn’t budge. Once again, I’m a prisoner in Mads’ bedroom.
I lie on the bed, curling into the fetal position. My head hurts from the pressure of crying, from trying to understand and comprehend everything I’ve just learned. I’d give anything to be able to talk to my mom right now. I know she wouldn’t have an answer for me, at least not one that I want to hear. She’d tell me to run, to report Mads and move on with my life, but the thought of that has me paralyzed with fear.
Would Mads ever come after me?
I feel guilty even allowing the thought to cross my mind, but I’d be naive not to consider it. I think through the effort Dane put into deceiving me in our relationship. The way he went above and beyond to be someone completely different so that I would truly believe he loved me, that our life was picture-perfect.
A shiver runs through me when I think about what might have happened had I ever fell pregnant with him. Would he have killed me with our child in my belly? Instinctually, my hand settles over my stomach, Mads’ comment only moments ago echoing in my head.
“You know you’re going to have my babies.”
Something gnaws at me—excitement maybe? The thought of carrying his child is something I’ve never entertained. Over the years, the few times I let my mind wander about Mads, curious about his private life, I never let my fantasies get that far. In fact, I never let my thoughts get further than wondering what it would feel like for him to hold me, to kiss me. In the past, I shut it down immediately, guilt overtaking me when I looked at Dane later after letting those thoughts marinate.
But now, now I feel like a fool.
* * *
The lock clicks and the door slowly opens as Mads steps inside. I don’t know how long I’ve been in here, but I’d guess a few hours. I sit up, turning to face him as he walks over to the edge of the bed and takes a seat.
“I’m sorry I locked you in here. I shouldn’t have done that. I wanted to cool off for a while and I didn’t want you running away.”
“I’m not running away,” I say evenly.
“Good.” He offers me a half smile and rubs his hands together before dragging them over his face. “I need you to just listen to me for a minute, let me explain something and just hear me out.” He looks at me questioningly and I nod. “I know that this is all my fault. I know I created this mess. I also admit that you were right; I did ruin your life, but I also know that I can offer you a life that will make you happier than you’ve ever been. Genuine happiness,” he says when he sees my lips part. “Not some cock-and-bull lie fed to you. I have no reason, no motivation to lie to you about my intentions, Emery.”
“Really? Fear of prison isn’t a motive?”
“I meant what I said earlier. If you want me to rot in prison for the rest of my life, I will. Fuck, I’ll walk into the police station and hand them my phone and admit to everything right now. You’ll never see me again.” His gaze is serious, his jaw set. “Is that what you want?”
I contemplate his offer for a moment.Is that what I want?My stomach drops when I think about never seeing Mads again. I shake my head slowly.
“Thank you,” he says softly, his hand coming out to brush against my cheek. “I really do love you and I know that it sounds cliché and impossible considering the pain I’ve caused you, but I will go to my grave loving you. You are the only thing that matters to me, the only reason for me to exist.”
Our eyes lock and I have the urge to crawl into his lap and kiss him. To tell him that secretly I think I’ve always wanted him, craved him, needed him. But I don’t trust my feelings anymore.
“I know that telling you I love you after murdering your husband seems manipulative, but I hope you know that it’s not. I didn’t create Dane; the monster he was as a person was there long before I knew him. I will spend the rest of my life regretting that I ever told him about you, but I won’t spend a single second regretting killing him. I created the problem so it was my duty to annihilate the problem.”
“Did you like it? Killing him?” I can’t unhear the last words he said to Dean on the recording before he shot him.
He looks up at me. “Yes, but only because I knew it meant you were safe now.”
