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I feel so free, so able to express my desires and not have them met with judgment or discouragement. I relax, letting myself enjoy the sensations that overtake my body as he slides a finger inside me, his mouth moving to my wet center as he fingers my ass.
* * *
Mads runs his fingers lightly over my back, his fingertips swirling around my shoulder as I lie across his chest.
“Why did you want me to wear the necklace tonight?” I ask, lifting my head slightly to look up at him.
He doesn’t answer right away. He stares off in the distance, his fingers still dancing featherlight across my skin.
“Because I bought it for you.”
My brow furrows and I lift myself off him. “What?” I laugh, expecting him to tell me the real reason, but when his eyes find mine, I can see that he’s serious. “No, Dane bought it for me for our anniversary this year. I mentioned it to him when we were in Geneva.”
He smiles lazily, reaching out to brush my disheveled hair from my face. “No, sweetheart, you mentioned it to me in Geneva.” My head tilts as I recall the moment I said it. “The three of us were walking and Dane stepped away to take a call. You had been frustrated with him all day. You didn’t say you were, but I could see it on your face. You felt sad and lonely on that trip. When he stepped away to take yet another call, you stopped in front of the window display of Harry Winston. I was standing next to you and instead of our normal banter, you placed your fingers on the edge of the window and commented to me how stunning the necklace was. You even reached up to touch your matching earrings and mentioned that they were your favorite.”
My lips part slightly as I recall what he’s talking about. I remember now Dane stepping away. I was frustrated because he had promised me that not only would we be alone on the trip, but that his work wouldn’t interfere. He had told me that was our day to explore the city, but when we left the hotel, Mads joined us.
“But when he gave it to me, he mentioned remembering me saying something about it when we were in Geneva.”
He shakes his head slightly. “Of course he did. I went back and bought it that same day. I held on to it until about a month before your anniversary when I told him to give it to you. I mentioned that you had seen it in Geneva and wanted it. He didn’t even realize that it matched the earrings I’d bought you the year before.”
My hands reach up to finger the diamond daisy studs in my ears. “You bought these too?” He nods. “I don’t understand. Why?”
“Because he wouldn’t have remembered,” he says softly. “He didn’t remember that you insisted on a bouquet of daisies at your wedding. He didn’t remember that I went out and found some in Vegas for you, and he didn’t remember you sitting on the floor, tying them together to make a daisy crown to match your bouquet.”
Tears prick my eyes as I slowly realize that even the little things I had cherished so much between Dane and me, the things I clung to after his death, after I found out some of his secrets, weren’t his doing at all.
“So it really was all fake?”
“No, Em. It wasn’t fake. It just wasn’t with the person you thought it was with.” He reaches both hands out to cup my face. “I wanted you to be happy, even if it wasn’t with me. I wanted you to feel what it was like to be with someone who knew your favorite flower, knew the things that made you happy and would surprise you with them a year later. I knew you would love those earrings so I couldn’t pass them up. You deserved them and this necklace.”
“Thank you.” My lip trembles as a tear falls down my cheek. “How did he know you were in love with me?”
“He never said specifically but probably because I didn’t hide it at all when I looked at you. I think I was able to buy the jewelry under the guise that he needed to keep that dream alive between you two so that he could stay in the marriage. But when it came to pretending to actually not like you, I was shit at it. I couldn’t not stare at you when you walked in the room. I couldn’t pretend to be happy for the two of you at your anniversary parties.”
“Did he ever think you and I had—?”
He chuckles and shakes his head. “No, he was far too arrogant to think that I could lure you away from him. I also think the fact that you truly hated me made him realize you would never be with me.”
“He was frustrated a lot that we didn’t get along. He’d beg me to try harder with you as his best friend, but knowing what I know now, it just feels so strange. Why would he want me to be friends with you if he knew you were in love with me?”
He shrugs. “I can’t say for sure, but if I had to guess, he was building an alibi. I think he had planned a long time ago that I was going to be the one to carry out his fucked-up plan to kill you. I think he wanted to spin a narrative that you and I were having an affair that went south.”
I close my eyes, more tears falling over the brim of my eyes as I try to push them away.
“Don’t fight it, Emery. Let them come.” He pulls me into his arms, wrapping himself around me as if he’s shielding me from something. “You’re safe with me, baby. Safe to let it all go.” He whispers the words against my hair as the sob I’ve been holding inside tears through my chest.
“I’m sorry,” I choke out, wiping the tears away frantically.
“Don’t apologize.” His cheek is against my head, his arms squeezing me tighter. “I’ll never be mad at you for mourning, for feeling the pain of everything he put you through—for everything I put you through.”
As the tears subside, I feel the weight of my past lessening. I know there will be questions that I’ll never have the answers to and things I’ll never understand, but knowing I have Mads on my side, to hold me and help me, it feels like I’ll be able to make it through.
“Is it all over?” I ask finally.
“What do you mean?” He lifts my chin so I’m looking up at him.
“Everything. The investigation, the questions, the sad looks from everyone.”
