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Ana stiffened. She wasn’t aware his old friend Asterin had visited, which meant it had happened after she’d ended things. But the letters suddenly made sense. Asterin had to have delivered them. Even he must have seen how dangerous they were—too dangerous to trust them to a courier like the other translations.
“And now... Now I feel like I’m losing my family all over again. It’s not the same, and I know that. But it feels...” He breathed out in a shaky exhale.
Ana slid a hand across the table and rested it against his outer thigh. The urge to hold him was so powerful, she had to close her eyes to restrain herself. “Of course it feels like you’re losing them again. You’ve been through so much. But you deserve to be happy, Tyreste. Allow yourself to be sad, but allow yourself to see the joy as well.”
“Iwashappy. For a while.”
“Rhiain was—” Her pulse swirled rapidly skyward.The one you loved,she almost said, but she’d already tortured herself enough.
“No,” he said distantly. “No, that was someone else.” He looked down at her hand, and she almost removed it, but then he linked it in his with a brief smile. “I can’t believe I just told you all of that. Only one other person in the Cross knows the full story, and I can’t talk to her about anything anymore. I haven’t even told my family most of it, honestly. It’s not an easy thing to talk about.”
“You can tell me anything, Tyreste. I want you to know that.” Ana held her breath. It was what Ana would have said, not Nessa.
But he didn’t seem to notice. “I believe you when you say it. I don’t understand it, but I believe it.” He laughed. “And you haven’t run away screaming yet, so I suppose there’s that.”
“The night is still young,” Ana teased, nudging him with her shoulder. She’d never felt so happy and yet so lost. To feel close to him once more was a gift she’d thought she’d surrendered forever, but it was Nessa he wanted, not Ana. Nother.And no matter how hard she worked to keep her secret, Nessa couldn’t last forever, because Ana couldn’t.
“You can—” Tyreste stopped and started again. “Tell me anything as well, Nessa. I don’t expect you to, and I don’t know why you chosemefor friendship, but I’m grateful for it. More than I know how to say. You... Well, you came into my life when I needed a friend most, as though you knew.”
Ana wanted nothing more than to stay all night with Tyreste under the trees and stars, but her illusion only worked if Magda didn’t come looking for her. “I should go.”
“And I should get back, before Evert and Pern take it personal.” He snorted. “Though I kind of hope Evert does, the wiseass.”
“This was nice,” Ana said. Her flesh tingled with anticipation of the unknown future.Kiss him,something inside her whispered, but the objections were louder. Nessa was there to look out for him, not fall in love with him.
“It was.” Tyreste jumped off the table and helped her down. He held her gaze, and for a moment, it seemed he would hold her as well. Then he whipped her cloak off and draped it back around her. His hands lingered at her neck as he clasped the fastener. “Thank you again, Ana.”
Ana stopped breathing.
Tyreste winced and backed away. He looked down with a groaning exhale. “Fuck. I’m sorry, Nessa. I’m so sorry. Forgive me, it’s—”
“It’sfine,” she said to assure him, her heart and head a mess and her illusion flickering so hard, sheknewhe could see it if he looked up.Come on, focus!“I left someone special behind too, and I... I understand.”
He peered up with one eye squinted at the corner. “I messed up, didn’t I?”
“No.” Ana flexed her hands into fists under her cloak.Breathe. Focus. And then leave.“No, I promise you didn’t. I’ll see you tomorrow.” She darted forward and pecked a kiss at his temple before racing away.
When she’d cleared the small hill, she flipped her hood up and released the illusion with a giddy, dizzying sigh.
Chapter10
Yet
Ana couldn’t stop thinking about the letters. Therealletters, not the ones she’d invented in her head and made reality for Tyreste.
In her desire to throw him off the scent—toprotecthim—she’d gone too far, creating modifications too jarring to be plausible.
She shifted sideways, riding the wind’s force down the side of the mountain. No, she’d really messed up. When he realized they were falsified, he’d find someone to validate them, and all would be lost. It was too late to change her translations, which meant she had to find another way to remedy the situation.
I have to get my hands on the originals.
Was she really going tostealthe letters? And then what? His suspicions wouldreallybe ignited and then his stubbornness would kick in, and he’d be a dog with a meaty bone, hungry for the truth that would lead him right back to her. Or Nessa. If that happened, it would draw him closer to danger, when the whole point had been to remove him from it.
Ana weighed which was worse: Tyreste finding someone else to translate and learning what she had, or removing the letters altogether and spinning him up into a frenzy of suspicion and blame. One kept him safe. The other kept her in his life.
All that mattered was for Tyreste not to get wrapped up in something that would get him killed.
Ana surveyed the area around the observatory before landing. She’d already missed supper, but she’d not intended to join, not after the terrible revelation about Niko. Magda would be looking for her soon, but better she find her helping the raven than lurking around the tavern.
