AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Twisting and turning, I finally have to lift my baby back into her own bed because she’s groaning and starting to protest.
And I can’t sleep.
I end up tangled in my sheets and blankets and have to start over again, smoothing them out. And then it doesn’t take long before I’ve wrapped myself into a messy bundle again. My whole body screams at me. He’s out there. He’s sleeping only a few feet away, right on the other side of that door!
This is a nightmare.
I get up and start pacing the tiny chamber, immediately feeling bodily needs I have forgotten about the whole evening. My stomach groans and whines in protest from having been denied for so many hours, my tongue feels like sandpaper and I desperately need to pee. I’m at a loss as to what to do. I turn on the little lamp on the side table and the room is bathed in a warm yellow light. I look around me for a can, or a bowl to use, but there’s nothing in here but pillows, blankets, and books. Cozy things. Useless things. Items made for another life. Panic rises within when I even think of having to get past him.
What if he doesn’t wake? What if he’s so tired he’ll sleep even if you tiptoe past him?
My pulse races at the thought, but I’m not sure enough to take the chance of bringing Cece and try to get out, though. I just want to go to the bathroom. I carefully push at the door, opening the crack a little wider, and it immediately hits something unyielding. I swallow hard and close my eyes.Shit!I listen but hear nothing but my own heart beats. Finally I have to say something.
“Christian?” I whisper.
“Yeah,” he whispers back from the other side of the door.
I bite my lower lip to keep it from trembling. “I need to use the bathroom.” At first there’s nothing, then I hear a floorboard crack.
“Hang on a sec.” Something heavy scrapes the floor again and then the door opens wide, Christian’s tall silhouette filling it completely.
I fight hard not to recoil. “I need to go,” I whisper.
He regards me for a moment. “Sure.”
I glance behind me. She’s sleeping peacefully. I swallow hard. It feels as if every time I see her it could be the last time. The air in the outer room is colder than in my bedroom and I shiver as I walk hastily across the chilly floor. I try to close the bathroom door behind me, but his arm sneaks in and stops it.
“I’m not peeing with you watching,” I snarl.
His eyes gleam in the dark. “And what would you do to stop me?”
Every ounce of fight leaves me, and I slump back against the wall. He’s towering over me in the tiny bathroom, but I can’t even lift my arms to defend myself.
“Jeez. Relax, Ker. I just need to make sure there aren’t any sharp objects in here.” He starts rummaging through the cabinet and when he finds a pair of scissors he takes a step back and crosses his arms over his naked chest. “I take it you won’t be trying to leave through there.” He nods at the window. “I’m not gonna check on you, but Iwilltake my daughter if I find you’ve left.” His voice is quiet and soft, but the threat is as hard as the sharpened metal in one of his knives.
I can’t help the tear that rolls down my cheek. “I just need to pee,” I whisper.
When his hand comes up and wipes the wetness off my cheek, I close my eyes and steel myself not to jerk back. It’s not like I have anywhere to go with my back against the hard paneling. His fingers are warm against my cold skin, and unexpectedly soft. The memory from when I thought he was a man, and not a monster tears through me, twists in my chest like a red-hot rod. So many times that I’ve wished things had been different.
What is it you want?
I think I already know. I think I know what I must do.
I don’t look again until I hear the sound of the door closing.
I just need some time alone first.
Christian
I sit on the couch, leaning my forearms on my thighs, staring at the wall that separates us as if it would tell me what she thinks and feels. My shoulder aches from the strain. It’s quiet and still inside. Outside the storm rages on. The cabin seems to be well built, though. It doesn’t even rattle.
She takes her time. There are long silent pauses between the sounds of water flushing. Still I don’t hesitate even a moment. She’s in there. She won’t be risking her daughter’s well-being.Ourdaughter’s. Finally, I hear the tell-tale squeak of the hinges and the soft whispers of her naked feet against the carpeted floor. I glance at her. I don’t want to frighten her, but I don’t know how not to. I notice she has a limp.
Like me.
She looks dead tired.
Like me.
