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“So I’ve noticed.” He loosens his grip a little, still immobilizing me, though, by lying partially over me, my wrists in his strong hands. “Is it really that bad?”
His question makes my chest clench and I turn my head away.Why did you have to be this man?It’s as if he reads my thoughts.
“Ker…” He hesitates. His breath is hot against my cold cheek and it keeps coming in short gasps. “I wish it’d never happened.” The wind almost steals the mumbled words from his mouth before I even hear them.
But I do.
Cold wetness soaks my clothes, but that’s not the only thing that is uncomfortable. I don’t want his excuses. It’s easier when he is inhuman and frightening. I can handle that better.
“I wish I lived a normal life!” I yell. “I wish I’d never met you!”
“Yeah, I get that,” he says in a very tired voice. “But these are the cards that were given us and we’re just gonna have to work with what we’ve got. And I don’t regret it. I’m glad I met you.” He whispers the last few words, his voice even quieter than before. Thicker. Sadder.
“I’m—I’m cold,” I stutter, my teeth chattering.
In one move, he stands and pulls me to my feet. I take a step toward the car and look over to the passenger’s side. She sleeps, but she has moved and is now lying on her back, her arms falling to the sides.
“You know… the car wouldn’t have started anyway.”
“Why?” I pull the door open and reach for my daughter.
“I ripped out the starter circuit when I first got here. Didn’t want you suddenly leaving. Good hunch.”
I’m so disappointed my chest aches. I’m too tired and too cold, there’s just nothing left, not even anger. My head spins and I feel like I’m gonna throw up. I stumble as I start up the slope toward the cabin again, back to the little house I thought I’d never see again only ten minutes ago.
“So I did all of this for nothing?” I say, my voice dull. “I’m never getting away from you.”
He doesn’t answer.
Am I? Am I ever getting away from you?I stumble again. She’s heavy and the pain in my ankle radiates up along my whole leg, making me wince with every step.
“I can take her,” he says.
“No!”
“Come on. You can barely manage.”
“No.” I look at him. “Besides, you’re limping too in case you hadn’t noticed.”
“Please. Kerry. I’m still stronger than you are.”
“No way,” I snarl.
He steps up in front of me and stops me. “I fucking told you! I’m sorry I hurt you.”
I stare at him. “Howdareyou! It’s too late, it’s too late. You can’t… it’s—”
“I know. I still wish it hadn’t happened. Let me hold her.”
“No!”
“Kerry, I’m her father.”
“Father?You’re… you’re nothing, you’re nothing but a… a…sperm donor!” I can barely talk because I’m so cold. And I’m angry again. I’m always angry it seems. It has engraved itself into my very soul, fear, anger, hurt.
His eyes glint in the dark. “That’s low. That’s really fuckin’ low. I’ve changed… I’m not the same man I was before.”
“Low! Who’s low? You can’t just come here, pry into our lives once more, and take, take, take. And changed? Bullshit! Why did you have to destroy my car? Ihateyou!”
He looks at me, his lips a thin line. “I can’t blame you.”
“I wish I’d never met you,” I pant as I fight on forward, step by step, pushing down the sobs that wrack my chest.
He’s quiet after that and we struggle side by side until we get back, his presence scorching my whole being. With every step I take closer to my ‘home’, it feels more and more like I’m on my way to prison. Sentenced to life.
Life with him.
