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When the nurse returned, her smile was warm and confirming. "Congratulations, Ms. Langdon, you're definitely pregnant."
A sense of elation washed over me; a feeling so potent it nearly took my breath away. Despite the risks, the uncertainties, the upheaval it would undoubtedly bring, I couldn't deny the spark of joy that ignited within me. I was going to have a baby.
The doctor came in and did a quick exam to ensure that everything was alright. She prescribed prenatal vitamins and reminded me to keep an eye on my water intake as well as to eat healthy and get enough sleep. We scheduled an ultrasound for a future appointment, and I got dressed once she left the room.
As I left the doctor's office, my mind began to whirl with the practicalities. I was older and that coupled with my diabetes meant my pregnancy would be considered high risk, and I'd need to start thinking about how to handle everything. Precautions, tests, and checkups, lifestyle changes, my work schedule… a mountain of considerations and adjustments lay ahead.
Amid all the planning, one thought loomed larger than any other and that was telling Tony. I had no idea how he would react, if he would share my joy, or if this new revelation would shatter the beautiful connection we were building. I pushed the uncertainty away. I would find out soon enough, and I could only hope for the best. I allowed myself a moment to bask in the confirmed realization that I was going to be a mother.
Back at work, I felt an odd sense of detachment, as if I were going through the motions, performing the familiar tasks and routines, yet my mind was somewhere entirely different. I was so lost in my thoughts that I nearly walked past my office door before I heard Tony's voice.
"I’m heading to see her now," he was saying, his tone casual and relaxed. I paused, lurking just outside my office door, hidden from view.
"Jude, huh?" The other doctor, a jovial, middle-aged man I recognized as Dr. Sean Rosenbaum, chuckled. "You two seem pretty close. You dating or something?"
I held my breath, my heart pounding as I waited for Tony's response. The seconds ticked by, feeling like hours, until he finally spoke.
"Yeah, we've been dating."
The words washed over me, eliciting a rush of happiness that spread from the tips of my toes to the top of my head. Despite everything, despite the worries and uncertainties that swirled in my mind, I couldn't suppress the smile that spread across my face. Tony had acknowledged our relationship openly, casually, like it was the most natural thing in the world.
Dr. Rosenbaum laughed again, this time louder. "Well, well, well, Dr. Montivais. Never thought I'd see the day. What's next? Marriage, kids?"
My smile faltered, the playful teasing hitting too close to home. I held my breath again, anticipation coiling in my stomach.
Tony's response was quick,tooquick. "I don't think that far ahead, Rosenbaum."
There was a pause before he continued, his voice quieter. "I've never really thought about having children. It's not really my thing."
His words hit me like a physical blow, knocking the breath out of me. His casual dismissal of the idea of children was like a dagger to my heart. It felt as if my world—which was already teetering—had just been pushed off its axis. The hallway around me blurred as my head spun, the implications of his words crashing down on me.
I took a deep, shaky breath in an attempt to gather myself. I needed to stay calm. To think. To figure out what to do next. With a final glance toward the direction of Tony's voice, I turned and walked away.
A sickening wave of nausea washed over me, one not brought on by the early stages of pregnancy. I couldn’t face him, not now, not after what I had just overheard. Swiftly changing my course, I veered toward the nearest bathroom. Once inside, I locked the door behind me and leaned against it, taking deep, shaky breaths. The cold, sterile smell of the bathroom did nothing to help the rush of nausea that was roaring through me.
Each minute that passed felt like an eternity as I stood there, my eyes focused on the white tiles beneath my feet trying to will away the roiling in my stomach. My mind raced, replaying Tony’s words over and over again. His comment about the idea of children felt like a slap in the face, a cold dousing of reality on the dreamy cloud of happiness I had been living on.
He didn’t want children. And yet, here I was, carrying his child.
A lump formed in my throat, making it difficult to swallow. I felt an overwhelming urge to cry, to let loose the storm of emotions inside me, but I couldn’t afford to break down, not at work.
I checked my watch. Ten minutes had passed. I had to assume that he had left the area, thinking I was busy or maybe out for lunch. Taking a deep breath, I straightened my back and unlocked the bathroom door. As I made my way back to my office, I hoped against hope that I wouldn't run into him.
Sitting alone behind my desk, a question echoed in my mind like a haunting refrain.What was I going to do?
The father of my child didn’t want children. The reality of that cast a long, daunting shadow over my newfound joy of impending motherhood. Tony and I worked in the same building, shared the same professional circle. I wouldn’t be able to hide my condition for long, no matter how I tried to conceal it.
We were dating, but it was still early. The seriousness of our relationship felt nebulous, a shifting entity that had suddenly gained more weight than I was prepared to handle. I wanted it to be serious, and Tony had seemed to share the same sentiment. But a child was a complete game changer, and I was uncertain how he'd react to it. This unexpected curveball had the potential to disrupt our budding relationship in ways I couldn’t predict.
I also knew I had options, choices that rested squarely on my shoulders. It was only a day or so into this new reality of mine, but I already harbored an unfathomable love for the child growing within me. A love that seemed to grow with every heartbeat echoing softly in my own body, a rhythmic reassurance of life blossoming within me.
That love dictated my next steps.
Picking up my phone, I dialed Tony’s number, my heart pounding against my ribs. I asked him to come over for dinner at my house that evening. His acceptance was swift and enthusiastic, and it twisted my insides with a strange mixture of relief and apprehension. He was oblivious to the life-altering news awaiting him.
A deep sigh escaped my lips as I hung up the phone, staring out of the window at the busy streets below. The world continued to move in its rhythm, my turmoil a tiny speck amidst everything else. I wished for a moment I could be a part of that blissful ignorance, but reality was waiting, pressing against the barriers of my consciousness.
No matter what happened next, I knew that I would be okay, I would handle it. I would face whatever came my way, armed with the resilience I had cultivated over the years. Because this wasn’t just about me anymore, it was about the tiny life growing within me, the life I was already fiercely protective of. And for that life, I would face anything, even the uncertainty of a future with a man who wasn't sure if he wanted children.
