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“My worst nightmare is that I infect someone.”
Greg spoke so quietly Holden almost thought he’d imagined the words. They were across the room from each other, Greg still by the fireplace, standing with his head down and shoulders hunched as if he were trying to disappear.
“Because of how it happened for you?” Holden asked, and Greg shrugged. He moved to stand up and Greg shrank further into the corner.
“Some. But I’d feel…” He shrugged again. “It changes everything, and I don’t want to be the reason someone has to live the rest of their life getting blood draws and taking meds, worrying about cuts and broken condoms.” Another shrug that made Greg seem to recede further. “When I tested positive, I told Wes. All he said was, ‘that sucks.’ He never apologized. I can’t imagine being that way about drastically changing someone else’s life.”
“Shit.” An overwhelming desire to protect Greg from his pain buzzed through Holden like an electrical charge. He’d never felt anything like it before. “If I can do anything to help—”
Another shrug, Greg’s fourth. Holden wanted to go over and wrap his arms around him, but he stayed where he was because it was clear Greg didn’t want to be touched right now.
“Sometimes it scares me that it could happen. That despite everything I do, all the ways I keep myself and everyone else safe…” Greg waved his right hand at the log, which was still on the floor in front of the fireplace. “I could still fuck up because I’m not being careful enough. And then I feel ashamed and dirty. Like it’s not enough I’ve got a fucked-up libido, or maybe it’s a good thing I do because it keeps people safer—”
“It was an accident,” Holden said, unable to keep from interrupting Greg’s downward spiral of recrimination. “You didn’t hurt anyone. I’m fine.”
When Greg started to berate himself again, Holden finally had enough. He got off the bed and crossed the room. Greg backed away from him, but Holden took hold of his wrists and drew him back into his arms.
“Enough,” Holden said as he steered Greg toward the love seat facing the floor-to-ceiling windows that looked out on the creek. “Did you do anything to deliberately endanger me?”
“Of course not.”
“Of course not,” Holden repeated. “Because you were trying to do something nice.” He looked around the cabin and nodded. “It would have been nice to wake up to a fire, I agree. Thank you.”
Holden had to push Greg a bit to get him to sit down. When he tried to take hold of Greg’s hand, Greg pulled away, but Holden wasn’t having any of it. He reached over and entwined their fingers, then brought their joined hands to rest on his leg.
“It was an accident, Greg.”
Greg opened his mouth, but Holden cut off any comment by leaning over and kissing him. When Greg started to pull away, Holden put his free hand behind Greg’s head and pulled him closer, teasing at Greg’s mouth until he finally relented and let Holden deepen the kiss. Even after the kiss ended, Holden continued to caress Greg’s neck.
“Am I at any greater risk now than I was last night?” he asked.
With a heavy sigh, Greg shook his head. “No. Of course not.”
Holden smiled. “Okay, then.” He kissed Greg on the tip of his nose. “Are you prone to hurting yourself?”
This time, Greg gave a rueful chuckle as he shook his head. “No. That’s actually the first time I’ve cut myself since I was diagnosed. I think seeing my blood scared me.” He kissed Holden. “Because of you. I don’t want to do anything that would put you at risk. And I should have used the work gloves that are in the wood box, but I wasn’t thinking. Someone—” he rocked against Holden “—distracted me because they looked so sexy sleeping in my bed.”
“So, all this was my fault?” Holden asked with mock indignation, but feeling relieved when Greg smiled. “And what’s this aboutyourbed? As far as I can tell, there’s onlyonebed in this room, so technically, it’sourbed.”
Greg laughed. “You made fun of my romance books, but it looks like you’re living in one.”
It was Holden’s turn to shrug. “Maybe I’ll have to read a couple of them to see how these things turn out.” He pulled Greg close for another kiss, this one lingering as he let his fingers card through Greg’s hair.
When Holden’s stomach growled, Greg pulled back. “I was going to have breakfast delivered.”
“That sounds great. Why don’t you do that, and I’ll get the fire started?”
Halfanhourlater,Holden had a fire going in the fireplace, and their breakfast had been delivered fresh from the inn’s kitchen. Fortunately, it hadn’t been delivered by either of Greg’s parents, though he’d insisted they both get fully dressed because of the possibility Rose would want to say hello.
The food was delicious, just as it had been the night before. French toast with maple syrup and cinnamon, fresh fruit, and more than enough bacon to satisfy both of them, along with some of the best coffee Holden had ever had.
“Either your parents’ chef is a genius, or the taste of the food is improved because of the company,” he said, then grinned as Greg blushed. He took hold of Greg’s hand and brought it to his lips. “I meant what I said last night. Being with you has been the best time of my life, and I don’t want it to end when we say goodbye. I’m hoping you feel the same way.”
Greg glanced down at his bandaged hand, then back at Holden, and he could almost hear the objections running through Greg’s mind before he voiced them.
“Yes, even after this morning,” Holden said. “You’re not the only one who comes with complications. Our jobs will make things harder, but I’m usually in LA every couple of months, and we both travel, so I’m hoping we can coordinate a few times a year. And we’ve got texts and video chats. What do you think?”
By the time he finished speaking, Holden’s heart was pounding in his chest, and now he was holding his breath, waiting for Greg to say something in response.
