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An earthquake rattled my chest. No, that was my heart beating at a mile a minute, a surge of energy forcing me to lead with the top of my head. I squeezed my eyes shut as the moon disappeared behind inky sapphire clouds. Light sat behind my eyes. Though that was truly impossible, I had to assume it was there for a reason. My body was responding to something.
Butwhat?
More voices came through the mire. Huffing breaths carried me through the wicked field, spitting me out on a hilltop that rolled repeatedly into more hilltops. Each one roiled with fearful anguish. Trees twisted into the midnight sky, stars blotted out entirely by those strange sapphire puffs that swallowed the moon.
Faces came and went. Lips moved without the voices echoing. None of it made sense. Yet I felt the wretched judgment cast upon my head as I barreled downhill, trying with all my might to do something other than sprint.
Shift, shift, shift, came that taunting chant thrice more.
Weeds lashed my shins while roots grappled my feet. To run through this terrifying moor, these muddy plains, was impossible. Yet onward I ran with my heart thumping wildly in my chest and my legs aching with pure exhaustion. Adrenaline shot me through the dark. Colors faded. Sounds hushed to a deadly silence.
Light splashed my vision. Right through the darkness it cut like a sharpened hunting knife splitting the world in front of me. Without a word, without even so much as a question, I let the pain drive me toward it, pushed by an immeasurable horror that split open my upper back. Much like that slit in reality, my skin splayed open, exposed to the world.
What was happening to me?
Why couldn’t I justshift?
A bubble shot up my throat and popped out of my mouth, a scream so loud that it shocked me into renewed silence. Howls and growls marked the skyline behind me. I didn’t dare look back. For I knew even one glance was enough to double their pursuit.
Yes, I had to press on. I had to keep going. Nothing was left here for me in this dreadful place. That light beckoned me like the Star Goddess herself was opening her arms—and for a moment, I saw that. I saw a deified woman of unknowable colors, sporting fine silky robes and long hair.
Midnight-blue skin shifted into milky silver, and then back again, and then into various dimensional colors I couldn’t describe. Her robes did the same dancing shift, none of it deterring my sprint. Rather, it increased my effort by a thousand. Starry eyes gazed upon me with such love that I’d never known.
Shift, she whispered softly in my mind.Go on. You know just how to do it.
Ah, there came at once that awful scream, this one motivated by pure admiration. She didn’t demand my shift. She invited it. That was a striking contrast to the mockery that made up the hills beyond my perception. With arms spread and smile wide, I outstretched my hands, watching my nails extend into sharp claws while my skin glowed heavenly rays of sunflower gold.
The pain crested in my back. My feet left the ground as startling adrenaline took me over, chasing away the horror of what I was leaving behind. Star Goddess stood in that dimensional opening that I recognized as my key to freedom. She was holding it open for me. She was waiting for my arrival.
And then I woke up.
Sweat dripped from my temples and soaked my silk tank top. Beneath the sheets was a sea of perspiration that turned my panties from opaque to sheer. My legs quivered as if I had run many miles, as if my feet had trodden the earth in its entirety. Yet here I was in my bed. Here I sat, soaked in absolute horror.
But from what?
These nightly occurrences were getting out of hand. Truly, there had to be some logical explanation for the terrors. Izdor had urged me to visit the talented Etta for some sleeping concoction, but I hadn’t been truly alarmed until this dream.
What did I carry with me from the dream world that made me want to hide? Such images should have remained in my mind as they had in Estaria, yet they didn’t. They refused to surface. They resisted all effort to reveal their ghastly nature. A strong Estaria woman such as myself—a decorated soldier, a dedicated friend—had nothing to fear in the night.
For the night was guarded by the Star Goddess herself. She wouldn’t allow such terrors to unfold in the shadows. This was her realm, a place of meditation and rest that offered an invisible nurse’s touch. Terror couldn’t touch the things I’d witnessed during the war.
I tossed my legs over the edge of the bed. “I served my time.”
Heavy steps carried me to the bathroom. Light stabbed my eyes, giving way to a marvelous headache. Those too were new to me. Headaches like these would send even the heartiest Elderling to the hospital wing. They had once. They were starting to do it again.
I sighed as I splashed cool water on my face. “I did everything I was supposed to do. What’s haunting me?”
Resistance was becoming a familiar friend. I despised his approach, though his appearance was becoming something of a comfort. Madness lurked in such mental anguish. I recalled it in my dream, something that had stirred my wings to poke out from my back. I turned to observe them in the tall mirror behind the door. Yes, they had popped out just a bit. But they were fine now.
I rubbed the spot where the left one would usually appear. “What’s happening to me?”
Silence responded in kind. Ah, that sweet assurance from the night herself that things were going to be okay. With the shadows receding, the morning would come, and I’d get another day to work on that glorious building. Though that wolf man would certainly get in the way, I looked forward to seeing his child.
The little pup had so much potential. Curiosity drove his mind, and confidence sat snugly on his shoulders like a regal cape. He had opportunities galore. Why he bothered to follow his father around at that age amazed me.
I would have compared it to my own childhood, but my childhood memories had been replaced long ago to make room for war strategies and mental maps. No need for those memories now when I was facing an internal war.
I needed all the mental space I could get just to handle it.
