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“Xavier is a funny man.”
Smiling hurt my face, but I couldn’t stop with Claire, even when I disagreed with her. “He’s something, madam.”
“Give him time. He’ll come around.”
“I don’t want him to come around.”
She winked. “I highly doubt that, Miss Galanthia. I truly don’t believe that one bit.”
With the sandwich between her teeth and all, she giggled like a young girl discovering her favorite food. Liveliness from her was truly a blessing. It broke through my brick walls, tearing away the things I’d set in place to keep people out.
Bonding with Claire felt good and natural. Why did I feel inclined to block her?
Perhaps it reminded me of Xavier to look into her eyes. To hear her jokes and share space with her was reminiscent of her son as well, though her energy was feathery and sweet.
His energy was hearty and influential, a force to be reckoned with, and something that had likely been built over time along with his rough exterior.
But I couldn’t argue with Claire. Xavier had carved a space inside me by invitation. I’d welcomed him into my arms like an old lover returned. Illogical as it was to yearn for his company, it had happened regardless of my feelings about it.
Strange how affection here affected me differently than it had back in Estaria.
True affection hadn’t been present back then. Perhaps that was something to consider. The man had impressed me—that much was true. I couldn’t deny it any longer, and I wasn’t sure how much I could truly keep the façade in place.
In the presence of his mother, there simply wasn’t any point in resisting the idea of Xavier. She approved of him seeing me, and me balancing him. Was that what we needed to do? Would balance provide the resolution to our perpetual bickering?
“You think a lot like him too,” she said, and quite nearly gave me a heart attack with the way she appeared to read my mind. “At least talk to him and see what he has to say for himself.”
“I’ll certainly consider it, madam.”
No more was said on the subject. Bethany returned from the market with a few baskets of produce. Proper storage of the items was accomplished before I left the house, trudging along the flowery path and pausing beneath one of the taller sunflowers to seek its shade. Afternoon was upon my head. Heat came with it, sweltering humidity that made me long for that frigid lake.
I should jog later, I considered as I resumed my walk home.There must be a lake close to here that could help.
And I did my best to pretend like I wasn’t thinking about the pond.
Chapter 10 - Galanthia
Stars twinkled above in a a lively fashion as I jogged down the path weaving through the woods. There wasn’t much I could do with an afternoon off other than be sure that Izdor hadn’t entirely destroyed the kitchen while I was gone. Though he was occupied with the gym’s construction, he had a bad habit of making an absolute mess without a mindful eye watching him.
Roommates had been a common thread during the war. Many tents were shared with Elderling soldiers, typically mixed to save time and resources. Commanders weren’t particularly concerned with the mingling of the genders since most of us at reproductive age were forbidden from utilizing our organs for such purposes.
As a safeguard, we were spelled right after enlisting, giving our reproductive rights over to the municipality to which we belonged. Back then, it had seemed to be the most logical option for me as a foot soldier. What need would I have for my parts if I wasn’t using them? Elderlings often took so strongly to battle that they never desired to reverse their conditions.
Earth had its benefits, indeed, but it also had drawbacks that deterred me. No one on this plane was intimate with Elderling magic, and those who were couldn’t possibly undo the web blocking my reproductive functions.
And this only came to mind now because I couldn’t for the life of me stop thinking about Leo.
At first, I had been excited to be around a child with such attentiveness. Yet simultaneously, my soul felt hurt by the sight of him. Never in my life had I so desired to become a parent of any kind. Caretaking abilities were useful for war, and perhaps after for those suffering magical shock, but they had never been rustled to the surface like they had this morning with Claire, and a couple of weeks prior when initially meeting Leo.
Motherhood wasn’t my calling. How could the Star Goddess bestow upon me the rage for waranda desire for parenting? Those things didn’t appear to coincide peacefully, yet my body yearned to be a guardian to dear little Leo.
Xavier had his flaws, to be sure, and I saw him as the bully he was—and yet again, my body confused me by wanting to be close.
Concern riddled me with nausea as I steadily paced my jogging to sprinting. Trees rushed past me as time slowed at my behest. Such inclinations to protect people had always been in my nature, but now it felt like I was attempting to outrun those urges, too embarrassed by my encounters with Xavier to truly embrace them.
Claire is sweet, I reflected.She’s such a beautiful light. She doesn’t ask for much. She’s kind and lovely. I wish I could be around her.
Again, I was bombarded by odd feelings of intimacy. Having only met Claire once, I found it befuddling to feel like we were old friends. Ambersky had been a place of many meetings, but I didn’t recall meeting her, even after the memory blocking spell had been lifted.
