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I was among the few who could contain my hunger. But even now, even as I attempted to saddle everything, I could feel the tentacles of it creeping through me, encouraging me to swat Xavier like a pesky fly.
To me, he was nothing, and he would remain nothing, since he had no intention of honoring our bond.
What bond?Acrid cynicism locked my limbs.He doesn’t see us as bonded. He just sees this as convenient.
Seconds later, I was back to my usual size. White plaster and smashed bits of bulb glittered on the ground around my boots. No, we would never reach a resolution. We would always end up arguing and hurting each other. That much I could recognize while I still had a mind of my own.
Giving in to him at any point would rob me of such logic. It was best to end this before either of us became husks of our former personalities.
I didn’t want to end up like a drama series. “I never want to see you again.”
A disappointed sniff from him indicated his feelings.
“I’m glad we agree on something.”
He advanced when I started to turn. “That’s not what I said.”
“You didn’t have to say anything.”
“Right. Because you can read my mind.” He kicked a pile of debris. “You should learn how to stay out of people’s heads, you know. Talk about rude.”
“It’s not my fault that you think so loud it’s difficult to ignore.”
He waved me off, apparently trying to will me away with his energy. Even now as I attempted to resist the call of his soul, I read him easily. It sickened me to think we were connected so beautifully, and yet we hated each other. Perhaps it had been this way all along, and the things we were feeling—the alleged passion and lust—were simply byproducts of extensive contempt.
“You’re just a bully, Xavier,” I said over my shoulder, “and you’ll always be a bully. May the Star Goddess be merciful on whomever dares next to earn your affections.”
Silence slid like the train of a large cape dragging behind me. It followed me into the next room. It slithered through the crowd of people who had gathered near the door. It took me by surprise when I stepped into the hallway and noticed I was alone.
Xavier wasn’t coming after me. Did that mean it was truly over?
Romance novels and Lifetime movies had barreled my brain with all sorts of expectations. That was the problem with this entire situation. I’d anticipated things to follow some kind of predetermined storyline. Surely if I stuck to the script then our relationship would thrive.
What had I missed?
My mind had become infected. That was the heart of the issue. Xavier had gotten into my head while his hands were on my body.
Izdor had explained once that earthlings had a way of confusing the rushing endorphins of satisfactory sex with sufficient relationships. In reality, whatever bond I thought I had with Xavier was based on this physical confusion.
He wasn’t a suitable mate. He was simply a good lay.
And the sooner I came to grips with that truth, the sooner I would get over him.
However much I repeated this assurance to myself, hot tears stained my cheeks, and I was a stuttering mess once I had returned to my home.
Back to bed I went. Underneath the sheets was where I felt most comfortable, so that was where I chose to stay.
I didn’t care how long it took to get over him.
So long as he left my mind, I would be just fine.
Chapter 13 - Xavier
Memory charms were hefty stuff. I mean, Etta had warned me against trying the potions I had mentioned, but it wasn’t like I had been too serious about it. I just wanted to get Galanthia out of my head before it became a problem.
As I tilted my head to the sky, I realized how stupid it was to try to avoid a problem that had been a problem for weeks now. Four nights ago, she had been begging for me to slam into her, only for her to take it back the next day.
Memories be damned—I wanted her out of my system, and I wanted her outnow.
