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Dear me, had the child been bothered by the bickering all this time? I had presumed since it had taken place outside of his vision that he hadn’t picked up on those things. Side effects should have occurred to me at some point, but the arguing had won me over, the lush debate taking over my senses and making it difficult to focus on anything else.
Now that I thought about it, Clairehadmentioned that the child had commented on the arguments.
You need to be a better protector, I told myself.Act like a parent.
That thought polished my attitude rapidly as the boys fell into light conversation with each other. Cartoons played in the background. Giggles rose every so often from the hospital bed. Indeed, the child was feeling much better. He appeared to have tripled his strength overnight and was moving his legs like he hadn’t ever suffered a fracture.
Was this what families felt like? It made me wonder as I observed their interactions like a scientist. Estaria had been low on family structures during the war, and it was rare for us to come into contact with children who weren’t royals. Even then, our exposure was largely limited. For what skills would soldiers acquire in the presence of children?
Sorrow forced my hand to my belly. Organs that never quite worked were aching in ways that made me feel empty. Leo sat right across from me sharing a bond, and yet I felt alone in this corner with my coffee and bacon. I felt so far removed.
“Galanthia?”
That was Leo speaking. Best not to worry him with my concerns.
My smile was as radiant as ever. “Yes, dear boy?”
“Would you come with us to the gym?”
“You want me to come along?”
He nodded passionately. Yes, he was feeling much better by the looks of that excited bouncing.
I spared Xavier a curious glance. “I suppose if the child wants me to come along…”
He grinned playfully. “As long as it isn’t interfering with your schedule.”
“It shouldn’t.”
“How nice.”
I slurped my coffee. “Quite.”
Wholeness assembled in me where pain usually sat. Oddly for me, I never knew there was pain there until it started to ache. My heart had been tempted to stop beating many times since my memories had resurfaced, entire bits of me yearning for the numbness of my previous oblivion.
Yet now that I knew everything, I knew there was no going back. I couldn’t change the past and I wouldn’t be able to rid myself of the feelings even if I had convinced Etta that it would work. Cracking a memory spell was one thing. Creating one was another. Messy business like that would cause more problems.
I didn’t want more problems. I wanted to feel whole.
Autumn-brown liquid reflected my image. Leo wanted me to go along with him and I wasn’t going to argue with that. Secret relief trailed through my entirety that I attempted to quell with more food. Fluffy biscuits and scrambled eggs did enough of the job. Now I just had to handle the rest for myself.
Xavier cast long looks at me. Though ignoring him would have been ideal, I reciprocated his glances, wondering what was going on inside that brain of his. He had witnessed in me things I didn’t reveal to most people in my life. Was he going to spill those details as he had the Ambersky nonsense?
None of it was nonsense, and that was the sad truth of it. Rumors were easy to dismiss. But gossip based on facts was much trickier to curb. At best, I would be able to withstand the stares and whispers for as long as they persisted. I would keep to my routine and resist the urge to hide.
However much the desire beckoned me.
Abruptly standing drew far too much attention my way. I cleared my throat and wandered to the door, mumbling something about using the bathroom. Usually the picture of perfect words, it annoyed me to find myself bumbling about like a drunken bee who didn’t know how to fly.
I felt better in the bathroom. After completing my business and washing my hands, I went to give Leo another power boost. Xavier observed as I rested my hand on Leo’s head. The two of them were perfectly quiet, perfectly still.
“Can I get another one later?” Leo asked while making his eyes big. He pouted a bit too. “Please?”
“You only need the one for today.”
He smiled. “Well, okay then.”
Xavier laughed. “I might need a boost too.”
