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She gaped at me silently. I wasn’t sure what she was feeling or thinking. Her stance was fraught with tension, yet her eyes conveyed a calmness that was undeniably practiced. She was my mother’s nurse. Sometimes, she was Leo’s babysitter. But in general, she was a family friend, and nothing more than that.
Any more silence would have put me on edge. But she let the smile take hold again and whispered, “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Xavier.”
Like a breeze, she drifted past me and quietly shut the door. I was left alone.
That was just all too familiar for me. I stared at my son for a bit, watching the way his chest moved with his breath. He sputtered and sighed, then rolled over to cuddle into his bear.
Sympathy poured from every bit of me. Goddess, what had I done? I’d gotten Leo used to having a motherly figure around, and then failed to secure her in a relationship.
I was just a loser.
Back to the living room I went with my shame and guilt. Whatever other crap lingered in the background came up too, forcing me to sit on the couch with my mother as she watched her drama shows. Overdramatic dialogue went on without much regard from me. I didn’t bother listening. I was too obsessed with myself and my actions.
Mom reached for my hand. “You can’t keep beating yourself up about it, Avi.”
“I’m not beating myself up. I’m just…” But she was right.
“No use beating a dead horse.”
I snorted. “What a phrase.”
“Have you tried talking to Galanthia about it?”
“Why would I? She doesn’t want to hear what I have to say.”
That entertained look wasn’t my favorite. It felt like she knew something I didn’t, and she was just waiting to drop it casually into the conversation. “Have you tried?”
“I can’t tell her anything without it turning into an argument. She wants to hold the past over my head. She keeps saying I’m a bully who’s using her.”
“Well, are you?”
My jaw dropped. “Mom, that’s ridiculous.”
“You were a tough kid. You had strong opinions, and you wanted everyone to follow your lead. I can see why she thought you were a bully.”
“I didn’t bully her!”
Her smile faded. “Xavier, how can you expect to move forward when you don’t take accountability for what you’ve done?”
“I didn’tdoanything.”
“Maybe that’s the point. Some harmless picking on your end probably looks a lot more awful to the person being subjected to it.”
I glared at the television to save my mother from my ire. “I can’t believe you’re saying that.”
“I’m your mother. I’m supposed to say that.”
“I suppose you’re going to hold the past over my head too. Go on. Join the club.”
She lifted the remote and hit the power button. Black swarmed the television screen. This was her most important soap. The fact that she’d turned it off in the middle of our discussion was intimidating.
“Xavier England, you are being a stubborn mule,” she scolded. “Look what you’ve done to your family. You’ve practically torn it apart.”
I was on my feet in half a second. “No, Jazmin did that. Or did you forget about how she tore my heart in two?”
“Galanthia shouldn’t have to suffer because you’re angry at Jazmin. You should save those feelings for Jazmin herself.”
Her words slammed into me so hard that I had to recoil.
