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I look into his eyes and force myself not to feel anything. “I’m sorry, Emerson. But I can’t do it.”
“What do you mean?” he asks, motioning for me to sit. Instead of taking the seat on the other side of the desk, he takes the one next to me.
“I’m not taking the job,” I say with conviction.
“Yes, you are,” he says plainly.
I let out a scoff. “No, I’m not, Emerson.”
“Why not?”
I straighten my spine and prepare myself for this next part. “Because I’m leaving.”
He reacts like I’ve just slapped him across the face. “What are you talking about?”
“I quit. I mean…I know I don’t work for you, but I’m going to quit being Madame Kink. I can’t do this anymore.”
He puts up a hand and blinks as if he’s trying to make sense of everything. “Okay. That’s fine if you don’t want to work as a Dominatrix anymore, but why wouldn’t you just take the job here, then?”
“Because…it’s too hard, Emerson.”
My voice cracks, and I try to hide it by biting my bottom lip. I hate showing emotion, especially with him, someone I admire for being professional and composed. Emotion is weakness and I won’t let him see me break.
“What is too hard, Eden?”
He reaches out and places his hand on mine. I breathe in the comfort of his touch and try to force myself not to feel again.
“Everything. Balancing all of it. Trying to be in three places at once and somehow giving one hundred percent of myself each time. I don’t want to be Madame Kink anymore because…”
My voice trails as I force down the rising emotion.
“Because that’s not who I really am. Seven years ago, I looked in a mirror and I tricked myself into believing I was someone I’m not. And I’m just so tired.”
His hand doesn’t leave mine. And any hope of holding in the emotion is gone now. I came in here to quit my job and somehow ended up pouring my heart out instead.
Then for some reason, maybe because I am so tired or because I realize now how stupid it was to keep this secret, I let everything slip out.
“I have a son.”
His expression doesn’t even budge. He just stares into my eyes and waits for me to elaborate.
“He’s seven. His name is Jack. I’ve been keeping that from you for years.”
“Well, no wonder you’re tired.”
I let out a laugh, which feels weird at such a tense moment. “Aren’t you…surprised or mad or offended that I didn’t tell you?”
At that, he lets out a sound of exasperation. “Why the fuck would I be mad about that? That’s your life and your business. You’re entitled to your privacy, Eden.”
“I know, but…you can’t possibly want me for that position now.”
He leans back in his chair and stares at me for a moment as if he’s sizing me up. “Is this because I said I was hiring more help because the others are starting families? Because that was all just an excuse to get you to take the job. You know that, right?”
I let out a chuckle as I wipe my face. “I figured.”
“I think it makes me want you more, to be honest.”
“Could I work from home?” I ask.
