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Without another word, she scurries out of my room, letting the door slam as she practically runs down the narrow hallway toward the exit.
I’m left standing on the deep-red rug, feeling like the world’s biggest bitch. I shouldn’t have said that. Yes, she did come in here asking for help in pleasing her boyfriend, but I also know the pressure she must have felt to drive her to that point. I could have helped her more by making her see how unfair that is. I could have convinced her to do somethingshewanted.
Instead, I humiliated her.
* * *
The meeting with Jade stays with me all night. Even with my next client, a woman that goes by the name Lola—although I suspect that’s not her real name. She’s been coming to me since the club opened, and I normally look forward to our sessions.
But I can’t seem to get out of my own head. I replay the entire conversation with Jade the whole time. Even during her aftercare, when we’re both curled up on the bed, her with salve covering the red flogger marks on her back and me feeding her grapes and water, I know she can tell I’m in a weird mood.
Her hand drifts up and down my thigh. She’s positioned down by my legs as I recline against the headboard. These intimate moments with my regulars are some of my favorites. It means we’ve gotten somewhere together. We’ve crossed the threshold of comfort with each other to the point where they can touch me as if I’m not a stranger.
“Do you have another session after this?” she asks softly.
“No.” My voice is emotionless, and I don’t give any more explanation.
“I can stay…” Her hand drifts a little higher on my thigh, leaving a tingling sense of arousal in its wake.
It’s tempting. Drowning my thoughts in sex sounds like exactly what I need.
I touch her fingers with mine, letting her drift them to the hem of my thong. She shifts onto all fours, climbing over me until our mouths are inches apart. She smells so good, like jasmine and rose. When the soft locks of her wavy blonde hair touch my shoulder, I beg my mind to get on board with this.
Even as her lips touch mine, I fight the memory of the girl standing in my room only a couple of hours ago. But it’s useless.
Sex with Lola would distract me, but I’m not sure I want it to.
I pull away and look anywhere but into her eyes. “Not tonight,” I mutter coldly.
Lola leans back, kneeling on her heels between my legs. She’s in nothing but a pair of lace panties, and the sight of her sun-kissed skin nearly has me wanting to change my mind.
She looks disappointed as she touches my leg a little softer now, rubbing a soft line from my ankle to my knee in a way that I know is meant to be comforting.
And it is.
“Call me anytime,” she says sweetly with a tilt of her head.
Then she climbs off the bed, leaving me feeling like a bitch—again.
I almost never turn down sex. And I feel especially stupid knowing that fucking Lola’s brains out would have certainly changed my sour and distressed mood.
But as she leans down, now fully dressed, to place a kiss on my cheek, I know there’s no turning back now. I can’t just say,Oh, I changed my mind. It turns out I am in the mood.
“Thanks, Madame,” she whispers, pulling away.
I reach for her hand, letting her delicate touch seep into my pores like an IV.
“See you next month.”
She winks at me before walking to the door. I don’t normally end sessions like this. I like to walk my clients to the door. I’m never sulking on the bed while they see themselves out.
I let out a grunt of frustration after Lola is gone. Then I toss one of the throw pillows across the room as if that’s going to help, which it doesn’t.
If I could go back to that night one year ago when I let that good-looking, dark-haired man buy me a drink and make a little wager with me, I swear I would turn him down when I was given the chance.
He keeps glancing my way from across the bar, and it makes me laugh inwardly as I stare down at my empty glass. He looks like fresh blood, new to the club, and likely new to the lifestyle. Just by looking at him, I can tell he’s too cocky for his own good. He’s so sure of himself that he tried to outbid the richest man in the club. Which clearly didn’t work out for him tonight, hence the fact that he’s still alone, even after I’ve returned from my date after the auction.
When I feel him approach, I clench my jaw.
