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“Sorry. It’s all still so foreign to me.”
“That’s okay. I read in your profile that it was new to you. Yes, to answer your question, I am really into it.”
“You’re not what I expected,” I say with a shy smile.
“To be honest, neither are you. And I don’t just mean thesituation.” His eyes glance down to my stomach, and I put my hand there, thinking wistfully about the new life growing inside.
“So tell me…” he says with an arched brow. “Were you honest in your kink quiz?”
My mouth falls open. “Of course! Why?”
He tilts his head downward and glares at me as he waits for me to be honest. He’s too nice to lie to, and it’s been so long since I felt this comfortable around a man (if ever) that I can’t stand the thought of lying to him at all. So I fold within seconds.
“All right, fine. I wasn’tentirelyhonest.”
“Why would you lie? Why did you want the quiz to tell you you were submissive?”
When I open my mouth, ready to argue that I didn’twantit to tell me that at all, I realize…maybe I did. What if it was never about being paired with a rich Dom? What if I answered that quiz as a submissive for other reasons?
Suddenly, I find myself uttering the most honest thing I’ve said to him all night.
“I think I wanted it to tell me I’m submissive because that’s the role I’ve been playing my entire life. I belonged to my father. I belonged to my small town and all the expectations put on me there. Then I belonged to my husband. I thought that’s what I wanted because that’s how it’s supposed to be.”
“Is that what you want?” he asks, his warm-brown eyes focused on my face.
With my next breath, I feel renewed. And it’s not about sex or BDSM or anything like that. But for the first time in my life, I realize that I am not meant for the role I’ve been playing. The cards that were dealt to me were never truly mine in the first place. So with confidence and boldness, like the woman in the mirror, I stare back at the man sitting across from me.
“No,” I reply. Then I add, “I don’t know who I am.”
“Hmm,” he replies, reclining in his seat and watching me as if studying me. “As much as I wish we were compatible, I’m afraid we’re not. But I’d love to teach you if you’d like to learn. I imagine you have one hell of a journey ahead of you, Eden—and I’m not just referring to the baby.”
Emotion builds in my throat, stinging my eyes as I feel those words hit me. I expected to come on this date and hopefully wake up with a new diamond necklace or designer shoes. I never expected to give a second thought to the results of some kink quiz. But now I suddenly want to rush home and retake it.
If I want to start fresh now, I need to do so as therealme—whoever that may be. I won’t go back to the woman I was before. I won’t keep playing roles to accommodate others. It’s time I put myself first.
“I want to learn,” I reply with confidence.
Ronan smiles as he lifts his glass of sparkling water in a toast. I lift mine and touch it to his. It feels like the start of something big, and that’s worth more than cash. This time when I picture the woman in the mirror, instead of imagining she’s someone else, I imagine that woman isme.
Rule #1: Love is just another form of control.
Eden
“You’ve been a very bad boy.”
The whip flies with a crack, and the man currently bound to the cross hollers around the ball gag in his mouth. In his right hand, the red silk handkerchief is still safely clutched in his fist. This is our nonverbal sign to communicate since his mouth is a little stuffed at the moment. The second that piece of fabric falls, I stop.
Once every sixty days or so, he comes in and pays me to take him to the extreme, pain-wise, and he loves a lot ofdegradation while we’re at it.
For all I know, the guy is guilty of something, and he needs someone like me to punish him for it. Some people go to confession or say their Hail Marys—and some people come to me. It’s not my business to know all the details. It’s just my business to be his Domme for the night.
After our third round of six hits, I give him another break, letting him breathe, sweat, and cry.
“Pathetic,” I murmur against his ear as he moans in agony. “A good boy would take the pain, but you’re not a good boy, are you?”
He shakes his head.
“Are you going to be a good boy now?”
