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“No way!” Clay replies enthusiastically. “I used to play first base!”
“Really?”
“Yes.”
“Do you want to come to my game? Mama, when is my next game?” Jack asks, tugging on my shirt.
“Clay’s probably busy, buddy,” I reply.
“I’m not busy,” he argues, winking at Jack.
With a sigh, I glare at the man across from me. “His game is next Saturday at one.”
“Saturday at one. Got it.”
“At the little league field by the harbor,” I add reluctantly.
“I’ll be there.”
“Yes,” Jack says, bouncing in his seat.
I can’t help but crack a smile when I see his excitement. But I’ll admit…there’s a part that hurts. The part that knows I can’t keep my child to myself forever. I’ve been a constant in Jack’s life since he was born, but someday, I won’t be his number one. And while it’ll probably be a long time before that happens, it still hurts to think about it.
I’m Madame. And I’m Mama. Who am I without those two things?
After the pizza is gone, Clay cleans up the table while Jack collects his winnings, shoving the candy into his pocket. Then the three of us make our way to the exit. Clay walks us to our car, Jack gabbing the entire way.
“This was fun,” he says as we pause in front of my car.
“Can we do this again?” Jack asks excitedly.
“I’d love that,” Clay responds. Then they both look at me, and I can’t help but smile and shrug.
“Sure, I guess.”
Then Jack wraps his arms around Clay, who hugs him back, lifting him off the ground as he does. After their embrace, Jack climbs into the back of the car, leaving me and Clay alone.
“He’s a great kid,” Clay says.
I nod. “Yeah, he is.”
“Thanks for letting me hang out with him,” he adds, and that warm feeling in my chest returns.
“I just want what’s best for my son,” I reply, looking up and finding his eyes with my own. The intensity burns between us, so many memories and tender moments returning in the blink of an eye. My feelings for him never truly left, and I realize I have to be very careful about spending time with him, or I could fuck everything up and fall in love all over again.
“I know you do, Eden,” he says carefully as he backs away. On a second thought, he turns back toward me. “I’m with Jade now. I won’t betray her trust. Not even for you.”
It feels like a knife in my chest as I swallow down the bitterness building there. Jade has Clay and Clay has Jade. I’m supposed to respect that. I’m supposed to be happy for them.
But how can I pretend this doesn’t hurt?
“I know, Clay. I’m proud of you for that,” I say, staring down at the ground.
He pauses for a moment, and the air between us grows uncomfortable. Neither of us can say anything. I can’t blame him for what happened. Not now.
So I break the silence first. “See you next Saturday, Clay.”
“See you next Saturday,” he replies weakly.
