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I’m nodding along, but the crease between my brows deepens as she talks. It all feels so overwhelming and confusing.
Just as I open my mouth to ask another question, her phone vibrates, and she sneaks a peek at it.
“I have another client in fifteen minutes,” she mumbles softly. My stomach does a strange little flip-flop at that.
“Oh, of course,” I reply nonchalantly.
She must notice my apprehension when she gazes up at me because her expression softens. “For homework tonight, I want you to really think about whatyouwant. And take the quiz on the app I sent you.”
Without a word, I nod. She sent me a link to the Salacious kink quiz last week, but I just haven’t gotten around to taking it yet. Or maybe I’m dreading it and don’t really want to. Something about having to decide what I want feels daunting and uncomfortable.
“I will,” I reply softly.
Then she stands, and I feel the weird stomach somersault thing again. She gestures to the drinks on the table. “Take your time. You have full access to the club while you’re here as my guest, so don’t feel like you have to rush out.”
“Okay, thanks,” I mutter.
She almost looks reluctant as she starts to leave me. And I can’t help but wonder if she’s feeling the same twisting feeling in her stomach that I do. It’s not that I’m afraid to be in the club without her, but spending the last couple of weeks with Eden hasn’t so much given me confidence as it’s made me feel codependent on her.
I feel better when she’s around. I love every second we’re together, and I genuinely look forward to it every other moment of my day.
“I’ll be fine,” I lie with a fake smile, straightening my spine and curling my hair behind my ear.
“Take that quiz,” she says again, and I give her a grinning nod.
Then I watch her walk away.
A moment later, the bartender comes by and offers me another drink. I’m only allowed two, so this will be the last one. Hoping it will ease some of the tension in my gut, I nod.
“Yes, please.”
“You got it,” he replies, tapping the table and walking away.
By the time he returns with another vodka cranberry on ice, I’ve downloaded the kink app. I take a long, cold sip before opening the quiz. The first questions are easy.
Age—twenty-three.
Sexual orientation—straight, I guess.
Gender—female.
Then it gets into the more private stuff, and for the most part, it starts out easy. They’re all things I know for certain about myself that don’t feel too hard to answer.
Then the app literally says:You are good at making decisions. Agree or disagree.
“Well, that’s just rude,” I mumble to myself.
Disagree.
I’m terrible at making decisions. They’re easy if the decision is decided for me by someone else…but that’s not really a decision, is it?
Do you see sex as a way to please your partner or yourself?
I swipe the app closed. These questions are just hitting a little too close to home.
This quiz will never truly understand me. How can a bunch of questions grasp who I am as a person?
It’s like what Eden said—if pleasing my partner pleases me, then we’re both getting what we want, right?
