AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“She told me about the police, about that man… Dax’s dad… about what he tried to do to you.”
I stare out over the front yard as a breeze blows over my arms causing goosebumps to scatter up them. “So everyone knows all about my shit, then? Fuck up of the family like usual.”
“Don’t say that. She told me because I care about you. I call every day and ask about you. We haven’t spoken in weeks. And I know that’s my fault, and I…” Her voice cracks. “I am so sorry.” Casey drops her head as she wipes the tears from her cheeks.
I wish I could cry like that. I imagine it’s a relief, to let it all out. I just have this constant pressure inside that makes me feel like an overinflated balloon that could pop at any moment. It makes my head pound. It makes my chest so tight I struggle to breathe. It makes the very essence of me vibrate like a corked bottle that’s been shaken violently.
“I didn’t know he was married. I swear. He… he was so nice to me. He made me feel beautiful and intelligent, and worthy of his attention. He made me feel alive.” Casey looks at me, her eyes still full of tears. “I loved him. At least, I loved who I thought he was for those few months. Before the lies all unraveled.”
I swallow as the hard lump in my throat throbs forcefully. I remember all those months when Casey would have been seeing the man who knocked Brett down. I wasn’t there for her. I was too busy dealing with my own shit to notice that my best friend needed me. She was in love, and I had no idea.
“I’m sorry I was a shit friend.” The words fall from my lips, causing Casey’s eyes to pop wide. I mean them, every one, despite how angry I’ve been with her. “Whatever has happened since, it doesn’t change the fact that I should have been there for you, and I wasn’t.”
“You had your own stuff going on with Gareth, I get it. And… I don’t know. I think deep down, I knew something wasn’t right from the beginning. Otherwise, I would have told you about him. The way you told me about Dax.”
I snort. “Yeah. I wouldn’t shut up about him on some of our calls.”
Casey sniffs and then giggles. “I can’t blame you. He’s one of those pretty bad boys. And older. And your boss. It’s like the law that we should have spoken about him as much as we did.”
A sad smile creeps over my face as I pull my legs up underneath me and curl into the chair. “Yeah, I guess.”
I glance over at her again. She’s relaxed a little and her tears have finally stopped. The two of us sit in silence for a few minutes, and we wave as a neighbor passes, walking their dog.
“When did you find out he was married?”
Casey tenses. “The day that Brett…” She sighs, and for a moment, I worry that her tears will start again. “I found out that morning. We had a huge fight and I told him his wife deserved to know. Then I left. I don’t know if I would have told her or not. My head was a mess. I just needed to get away from him, to let it sink in. But he had gotten it into his head that I was on my way to see her. To ruin his life. But it was him who ended up ruining everyone else’s that day instead. Because of me.”
“No. Not because of you.” I take in a deep breath. There are so many things I wanted to say to Casey. So many hurt-filled words I wanted to launch at her. To make her feel as empty and broken as I do. But looking at her now, I can see… She already is. We’re both as empty as each other.
“I don’t blame you for Brett’s accident.”
I’ve been such a bitch. If time with Dax taught me anything, it’s that forgiveness is one of the strongest things you can give yourself. And one of the most meaningful things you can give to someone else. Being angry at Casey was a deeper reflection of the anger and blame I still held against myself. And it’s only sitting here with her now that it’s starting to make sense.
“I don’t blame you, Case. It wasn’t your fault. And it wasn’t mine.” I have to stop and take a breath. It’s the first time I’ve said those words out loud.
It wasn’t my fault.
“But what hurt me is that you lied about it. I would have still felt the way I did about Brett’s accident. I would still have blamed myself all these years. But you were there for me, by my side all that time, knowing something about it that I didn’t. That’s what hurts. That you didn’t trust me enough to tell me.” I look over and into her eyes. They’re shining with emotion.
“I do trust you. I just didn’t know how to tell you without causing you any more hurt. Seeing what your family went through was awful. Seeing what you went through, I’d never wish that on anyone. I was so helpless.”
Her voice cracks, and I turn away.
“You were the one person who kept me functioning,” I confess, leaning my head back against the back of the chair and gazing up at the clouds, unable to look at her until I’ve gotten everything out. “I just wish you’d told me. You must have been hurting too, finding out that about him.”
“Yeah.” Casey’s voice is small. “Yeah, I was. But mostly I was angry at him for making me fall in love with a lie.”
Tension spreads through my shoulders as I allow her words to sink in. We’ve both been burned by love and lies.
“You don’t think any of it was real? The way he was with you?” I stare at a cloud that’s shaped like a balloon, willing it to break apart so I don’t have to keep staring at it. I could look away, only some twisted part of me wants to look. To remember Dax. To believe that it wasn’t all a lie like he wants me to think.
“You’re Rose Jacobs. The girl who came from New York and crashed into my world like a meteor. You can do anything. You can find every silver lining, in every cloud, in a whole world of stormy skies. And you’ll be stronger for it. You’re a warrior. You show up day after day, always hunting for that beauty. For that magic. But it’s in you. It’s always been in you.”
Those are the words he said to me in the balloon that day. When we were high up in the clouds together. That wasn’t fake. No matter what Dax wants me to believe, I know none of it was fake.
Which means heisa liar.
I swallow as I squint at the sky.
