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Not my actual life. And my actual heart. And my actual feelings.
“We can go there. I’ll come with you.”
I open my eyes and look into Harley’s kind ones. She’s holding up the key and note. It’s the name of a bank with a safety deposit box number on it.
“Sure,” I sniff, straightening my shoulders. “It’s near the dress fitting place, isn’t it?” I look at the bank’s address on the note. “We can go after your appointment if we have time.”
I don’t care if we can’t fit it in. He’s made me wait this long. I’m not going to trip over myself to do as he wants. I’m not going to act like I care. Like him pushing me away isn’t the worst thing anyone has ever done to me.
I wipe underneath my stinging eyes, even though my cheeks are dry, and take in a ragged breath.
Harley’s arm tightens subtly around me. “You know, I think we have time before the appointment, if that’s okay with you? It’ll actually help me out. I needed to go there anyway.”
“You don’t use that bank.”
I know this because I’ve seen all the forms at Harley and Reed’s house that she has ready to complete with her new married name to get their accounts changed.
“We’re thinking of moving some money around. It’s one of the ones I wanted to look into,” she insists, unable to meet my eyes as she pretends. She just wants me to go there. To see what Dax is up to.
“Fine, thanks.” Sourness creeps over my tongue. I would have happily stalled going there. Avoided it for as long as possible.
Because I know that silver balloon is the last.
Dax isn’t sending any more.
He taught me how to forgive myself. But I don’t know if he taught me how to forgive him for what he’s done.
Once I find out the truth there’s no going back in time.
The bank is busy. We have to wait to be directed to the correct person who has access to the private safety deposit boxes. With each passing minute, the back of my neck grows hotter, and the likelihood of me throwing up all over the shiny tiled floor increases tenfold.
But once the serious looking bank clerk arrives and leads us to a private viewing room, I’m focused. I can just look in the box. See Dax’s excuse and leave.
And that’s it. I don’t have to do anything else. I don’t have to process what’s in that box today. I can store it away until I’m ready.
I can hold myself together.
We take a seat at the long table and wait. The clerk returns with a long silver box, and I snort internally.
It would be silver.
“You have the other key,” he says as he uses his key to open one of the two locks on the front of the long box. “So whenever you are ready, you can open the box. There’s a bell on the wall.” He points to a button by the door. “You can call once you are finished. Please, take all the time you need.”
“Thank you.” Harley smiles brightly at him.
“Thank you,” I say, my eyes trained on the box.
He closes the door behind him as he leaves, and we sit in silence as I continue to stare at the box.
Harley places her hand over my trembling one. “Do you need me to?”
“No, no. I’ve got it.”
It takes me three attempts to get the key inside the lock. But with a deep breath, I manage to slide it in and turn it.
The contents are ordinary. I half expected a balloon to float out. But it’s just a couple of envelopes and a memory stick.
I take the first envelope out and open it. It’s copies of accounts for Julian’s business, some photographs of him looking shady with some other guys, and lots of different shipping container details and codes.
