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“I’m dog-tired,” I tell her. “Demon has been walked and fed. He’ll be okay until morning as long as I leave early. I just want to hold you. I just want to feel you next to me.”
“Do you think you can…” she trails off, raising an eyebrow. “You know?”
“Control myself?” I claim her hip and press her against me, feeling her body, curves, and perfection. “It’ll be hard, but I’ve been awake for a long time. I know my horny virgin will moan when I claim her. I know you’llscreamwhen I drive into you, every single inch.”
She’s nodding slowly, but I can see the panic in my woman still. It’s bouncing around, a war inside of her. She killed a man today—her first one. She’s been through so much. She deserves a protector, not just a savage or a bad man.
I pull her to me, gently this time, softly trailing my fingers through her hair. I inhale her scent and savor her warmth.
“I feel like I’m going to wake up,” she whispers into my chest. “It’ll be the day before Mom left for the trip. None of this would’ve happened, but…”
“But then we wouldn’t be here. Together.”
“Does that make me awful?”
I kiss the top of her head. “If it does, then I’m the same. I can’t imagine life before you. I can’t even relate to the man I was.”
She takes my hand and leads me into the living room. I stand in the shadows, peering around the pillar. “The curtains, Lena.”
“Oh, yeah.”
She closes them.
“Keep the lights low,” I go on, sitting on the far side of the couch, out of view of the window. She sits next to me. I hold her hand tightly and feel her pulse shimmering up her arm.
“What did you mean before? Why can’t you relate to the man you were?”
“I felt nothing,” I say. “I think that’s why I held onto the idea of Jack. Hell, Lena, I’d even imagine he was talking to me sometimes. Not the Jack he became, not the man who was happy to do evil shit to earn a buck. Not the killer. The man in the forest who showed me how to clean a rifle. Or on the boat, showing me a knot.”
“Maybe he was a good man in those moments,” she says tentatively.
“No,” I reply, leaning back against the cushions. “There’s no coming back from the things he did.”
“What about whatIdid?”
I turn to her and almost raise my voice. I almost yell my next words, but I get myself under control, lean close, and kiss her cheek. “You protected our child,” I growl, laying my hand on her belly.
“Uh, Jamie, I think we’ve missed a step.”
I smirk and kiss her again. “You’re the most important person, Lena. You’ve got that curvy, perfect body, those wide hips, made for carrying our child. They’re going to grow inside you. When you smoked that bastard, you protected yourself and, therefore, our future child. You saved your mother’s life. You probably saved mine, too. He would’ve started firing.Neverregret it.”
She places her hand on my chest. I’m borderline beast mode again. She rubs gently until I sit back, hugging her closer, my eyes getting heavy. “I dreamed of being in your arms,” she whispers. “Waiting in the bunker. Before, when I thought you were with Mom, I always dreamed about it.”
“Me too,” I say, closing my eyes, relaxation washing over me as I sink against the cushions, my woman next to me. It’s a primal feeling as if we can finally stop running. We’re fireside now. We’re home. “I thought you’d laugh if I said anything. You’re less than half my age.”
“Pfft.” She blows out air. “What does that mean, after what we’ve been through together? After what wefelt?I don’t care about my age. I don’t care what people say or think. I know you’re right for me.”
“And I know you’reperfectfor me.” I rest my cheek on the top of her head. “You still need to answer my question. What do you want to do with your life?” She laughs, and I go on gruffly, “There’s nothing funny about it. You have a choice now. You never have to work another day in your life if you don’t want to, or you can pursue any career you want.”
She swallows. “That’s a big offer. A big commitment.”
I smile, sliding my hand down her body, playfully tickling her side. She laughs so cutely. “A big commitment? We’re going to have a family together. It doesn’t get much bigger than that.”
“Well, I honestly don’t know.” She laughs again, but less pessimistically this time. There’s relief in her tone. “I’ve never thought about it. I want to do something that gives me time with the children. It’s like they’re already here. I already love them. I’m a virgin, and I love my kids,” she giggles. “Am I just totally nuts?”
I laugh, sinking deeper into the couch. “If you are, I am too. I love them, too, Lena. I wish they were here already, but it’ll mean less you-know-what.” I slide my hand across her belly, rubbing gently.
She shivers and touches my hand. “Jamie, we…”
