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I run my hand across my forehead. He knows me so well.
“He wasn’t just anyone,” I tell him. “He’s the one person that’s been a constant in my life and I’m terrified of fucking it all up.”
Diego was right, it’s a lot easier admitting this to him over the phone than face to face. Though, I know I can’t keep doing this. At some point, I’ll have to look him in the eye.
“But that’s what made that night so special, right?” he asks. “Because he’s the one who knows you best.”
“Mhmm,” I admit.
“That’s what it was for me. Can I tell you something?”
“Anything.”
“For a long time, it felt like something was missing. I couldn’t figure out what it was. Then, something awful happened.”
I sit up, my eyes going wide. He never told me about anything terrible happening to him. I rack my brain, trying to remember, but I’d know it if he’d told me already.
“What happened?” Tension fills me as the possibilities run through my mind.
“You told me you were getting married. To someone else.”
I cover my mouth for some reason. That is not at all what I was expecting him to say.
“That day in New York when you showed me your engagement ring, I wanted to rip it off of your finger. But you looked happy. Content, at least. So, I knew I couldn’t do that. But it was then that I couldn’t ignore all of the feelings I buried so long ago.
“I wanted to be happy for you, Mo, but it hurt like hell.”
My vision blurs from tears at hearing the pain in his voice.
I did that to him.
“Is that why our calls and visits fell off?” I ask, starting to realize the truth.
He wasn’t busy with work. He was trying to let me go.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper.
“Don’t. You have nothing to apologize for. If I hadn’t—” He stops.
“Hadn’t what?”
“Nothing. The past is the past. We’re here now. You and me. The way it should’ve always been.”
“Diego,” I whisper. Tears fill my eyes. Why didn’t I see it before now?
The first tear rolls down my cheek. His admission fills my heart, but at the same time it rips the Band-Aid off of the wound of guilt that I’ve carried around for years. The shame that I’ve held onto because in so many ways I feel like my relationship with Diego has been so one sided.
He’s always looked out for me. He is even going so far as sacrificing his future when my dumb mistakes got me into trouble.
“Are you sure?” I ask.
“I’ve never been more sure about anything in my life.”
I swallow the guilt down and do my best to push it away. I can try to not let my dumb past or my doubts get in the way of the here and now. I can make a genuine effort to build on the rock-solid foundation we already have.
“Okay,” I say finally.
“Okay?”
