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“We have to tell someone,” Kai said desperately. “This is what social services are for, right?”
I laughed bitterly. “You think they actually care about kids like us? Kai, I’ve had more social workers than hot dinners. Nothing ever changes. Dad lies about where the bruises come from and threatens me so I stay quiet. The one time I was honest with them, they went straight to him to corroborate my story.”
I closed my eyes against the memory. “Trust me when I say it’s not worth it. Besides, being with him has to be better than a care home. At least here I have you.”
“You do have me.” The fight left Kai’s body, and I felt safe enough to slide off him and onto the ground. “I’m gonna keep you safe, Si. You can sleep at mine as often as you need to. My parents won’t mind.”
I ducked my head so Kai wouldn’t see the tears threatening to fall. When was the last time someone cared for me like this?
“And one day,” Kai said, his hand covering my knee, “one day, I’m going to take you away from him completely. Then I’ll never let him hurt you again.”
Chapter four
Kai
May 2004 – Sixteen Years Old
Thetemperaturehadhitthirty degrees Celsius for the fourth day in a row. Silas and I were doing what we always did when the weather became unbearably hot.
We’d bought a tonne of ice pops from the corner shop before riding our bikes into the woods.
Now we were sprawled against logs, working through the rapidly melting pile of treats. Arctic Monkeys blasted from my battery-powered speaker, plugged into my portable CD player, while Silas sang along tunelessly.
Like I said, it was like any other day.
But it was also completely different.
Different because Silas had decided it was too hot to wear a shirt. Different because I couldn’t stop looking at him.
Different because I could no longer ignore the fact that I was different. That the dreams I was having about Silas weren’t the sort I should be having about a friend. That the way he stared after girls was the same way I stared after him.
I’d realised a while back that it wasn’t the girls who caught my interest. I hadn’t shared it with anyone yet, not even Silas. I knew he wouldn’t have an issue with it…nor would Mum or Dad.
But the rest of the estate and the boys from the posh school? Yeah, I’d prefer not to give them any more ammunition.
However, over the past couple of months, that attraction had shifted from all males to Silas.
Fuck, how I’d tried to ignore it. Prayed at night that it would go away. Hoped I’d wake up and think of him as nothing more than my friend.
But, sat in those woods on that hot summer’s day, I realised it was futile.
I tried to keep my attention on anything other than Silas and how he looked eating that ice pop. He was my best friend. The person I cared about most in the world. Since the day I’d discovered his arsehole of a dad was taking his temper out on him, Silas had spent more time at my house than his own.
I shouldn’t be looking at his chest and wondering when he’d filled out so much. I shouldn’t be staring at his lips and thinking about if they’d taste as sweet as they looked.
He sucked up a bit of ice and his eyes rolled back in his head. I shifted against my log, panic filling me. Yeah. I definitely shouldn’t be thinking about that. Not with Silas.
“What’s up with you?”
“Nothing.” I ducked my head, trying to pull myself together. Maybe it was time for me to find a boyfriend…or at least someone to try stuff with. Silas had already had multiple girlfriends, but I didn’t even know anyone who was out. Where would I even start looking?
Filing that under ‘problems for future Kai,’ I smiled at Silas. “Do you want to play later?”
Silas lit up, just as I knew he would. We’d both opted for GCSE Music. Part of that meant you got free music lessons on an instrument of your choice. I’d gone for the guitar, while Silas had chosen the electric bass. We’d always loved music, but getting to actually play the instruments? It had borne a new obsession in us both. My parents had even bought us both instruments so we could play at home.
Not that Silas knew that…he thought it was a spare Dad had in the loft. But they’d known as well as I had that his dad couldn’t afford to get him one. Even if he could, we all knew hewouldn’t.
Silas finished up the last of his ice pop and jumped to his feet. “Race you home!”
