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Or hisboyfriend.
I painted a casual grin on my face before punching Kai on the shoulder. “Let’s go. We’re late for our table booking. Can’t have your dad missing out on his cake. His diabetic nurse needs a reason to yell at him again.”
Kai stepped back, eyes wide, his hand going to the spot I’d punched. My stomach lurched at his confusion.
Before I could do anything, Ruby stepped in, looping her arm through mine. “Come on, you’re with me. I need all the gossip about Luca and his journalist. Kainevertells me the good stuff.”
I let her lead me out, my mind racing over what Kai wanted to talk about.
Did he want something more with me? Or would he beg for us to return to how we once were?
The feeling of his eyes burning into my back suggested I was right to be hopeful.
But Kai had brought Tristan home to meet his parents. That was a huge step that Kai had never taken before.
Maybe there was no hope for Kai and me after all.
I stepped out into the cool night air. I tried not to breathe it in too deeply, not wanting to erase Kai’s lingering scent. It was stupid, but I would’ve done anything to hold on to him for just a bit longer.
If he was going to break my heart, I needed to make the most of every second of tonight. Not just with Kai but with his family.
Because not being in Kai’s life meant not being in theirs either.
Losing his family would hurt me.
But losing Kai would break me.
I wasn’t sure I could survive it.
Chapter eighteen
Kai
Neverbeforehadanevening with my family dragged on as long as this one.
It wasn’t like I’d planned on missing tonight. It was Dad’s sixtieth, after all. But ever since I’d left Silas’s house, I’d been like a ghost. I’d barely eaten, slept, or showered. Time had ceased to exist, the memory of Silas’s face as he’d told me to stay away haunting me.
I couldn’t function. All I could do was write.
I’d filled two whole notebooks with new lyrics. Full of anguish, pain, longing, and regret. Waste of time as they’d never see the light of day. I could safely say that “Night’s Darkest Secret” was no longer my most angsty song. I wasn’t sure it would even register on the scale compared to what had poured out of me over the last few days.
I’d turned my phone off completely, knowing I’d break and phone Silas. Beg him to just put this behind us and move on as friends.
But he didn’t want to hear from me. That much he’d made clear.
Which led to the question…did Silasreallyhave feelings for me? It seemed inconceivable, like I’d somehow manifested it through decades of pining, almost beyond hope.
As the days dragged on, a horrifying realisation settled in my gut. If Silas truly did want to be with me…I might’ve made a terrible mistake.
I’d rejected him. Pure and simple. Every choice I’d ever made had been with the goal of making Silas happy.
Except for the ones over the past few months. Amazing how fast I’d been able to destroy the foundation we’d built.
Slowly, I’d realised that it didn’tmatterwhat I thought. If Silas wanted to give us a shot, if he wanted me…what the fuck was I doing? Was I really stupid enough to push him away?
Fine, I might end up brokenhearted at the end…but really, could it be worse than how I currently felt?
So, all in all, it wasn’t surprising that I’d forgotten Dad’s birthday bash. Ruby and Silas had organised it months ago, just another reminder of how deeply our roots were entrenched. Louis had been tasked with pulling me out of my hole. He hadn’t said much as he shoved me into the bathroom with a change of clothes, but his eyes had been worried.
