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To never think you’ll be the one
Do you know how it feels?
To think our friendship will be done
Do you know how it feels?
To tell yourself this will be enough
Do you know how it feels?
To be with you through the good and the rough
Do you know how it feels?
To hear you say the words I’ve dreamed about
Do you know how it feels?
To be terrified by doubt
The song continued, my jaw hanging open as Kai poured his heart out. Finally, the last note faded. My hands hung loosely at my sides, where they’d been for the entire song. I had no idea if Luca and Arlo had joined in, but I sure as fuck hadn’t.
It was too much. There were too many versions of Kai. My best friend from childhood. The man I’d spent my life on stage with. The one who’d run from me and ignored me for four months.
The one who’d shown me pleasure like I hadn’t even knownexisted.The Kai who brought another man home to meet his family.
Then there was this one. Pouring his heart out through his lyrics and begging me to pick it up.
Which one was real? It was overwhelming. I couldn’t think. Couldn’t begin to put this together in my head.
I stepped back, and Kai shoved his guitar in Luca’s direction. “Si,please. I need you to listen to me.”
My back hit the wall. From the corner of my eye, I saw Arlo and Luca leave the room, quietly closing the door behind them. Couldn’t blame them. If I were a witness to this shit show, I’d want to leave too.
Scratch that, I waspartof it, and I definitely wanted to leave.
“Those are all pretty words.” I gestured to the mic. “But they mean fuck-all when you belong to someone else.”
Kai’s patience broke, something I saw so rarely. “I belong toyou.Damnit, Silas! I always have.Youare the one who holds my heart. It hasalwaysbeen you. It’llalwaysbe you.”
I wanted to believe him. I did. “Then why are you with Tristan? If I’m the one you want, why the fuck are you withhim?”
I was so mad. Mad at him for not telling me how he felt before he ran. Mad at Tristan for being with him.
But most of all, I was mad at myself for not waking up and seeing Kai earlier. Maybe if I had, this could all have been avoided.
This wasn’t the right time for this. It was too raw. Too fresh. If I stayed, I would end up saying something I’d regret.
I didn’t give Kai a chance to answer my question, ducking past him and hightailing it for the door. But when I turned the handle, nothing happened. “What the fuck?”
I shook the door a few more times before hammering on it. “Luca? Arlo? The door is jammed.”
The lights flicked on in the opposite room, illuminating the grim faces of my bandmates. Arlo was leaning on the sound mixing desk, and it was his voice that came over the speakers. “It’s not jammed, it’s locked. And it’s not getting unlocked until you two fuckers sort this out once and for all.”
I stalked over to the window, shooting a murderous glare at them. “Open the fucking door. Now.”
Luca shoved Arlo aside so he could speak. “We aren’t letting you two tear yourselves or the band apart any longer. Sort your shit out, and we’ll let you out when you agree to play nice.”
