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“Not much. But my week was instantly brightened when my brother gave me an ultrasound picture of his baby.” I beamed just thinking about it.
“Everything look good with his fiancée and the baby?”
“According to the Ob, all seems good so far.” We were all crossing our fingers and toes that nothing changed in that respect.
He carefully repositioned my arm slightly with a gloved hand. “Have you seen any more of Felicity or Grayden?”
“No. I don’t know what Dax did, but it seems to have worked. I don’t supposeyouknow, do you?”
“I asked. He answered in monosyllables.”
“At least you got monosyllables,” I muttered. “When I asked, he just stared at me.”
“My brother says very little about a lot of things. He plays his cards close to his chest.” Caelan paused. “Someone stole my car once. This was years ago. I mentioned it to Dax. Four hours later it was back in its parking spot—I still have no clue who took it, who brought it back, or how Dax handled it. He never said. He always handles shit for those under his protection, but he never makes a big deal out of it.”
“What you’re saying is I shouldn’t be offended that he hasn’t enlightened me, because this is just how he is—no one’s an exception.”
“Basically, yes.”
That didn’t make me feel much better. It wasn’t that I expected to be an exception to Dax’s rules, but I had hoped that we could get beyond superficial conversation and share important things. As yet, nothing had changed between us.
We still had a good dynamic. We made time for each other, communicated well, and had a healthy sex life. Though we had the occasional debate, we didn’t argue. But we also still couldn’t be described as friends.
Dax and I might talk about this or that, but never anything deep. More, it was really a chore on his part. He didn’t reallywantto speak with me about stuff.
Small and casual things that would be harmless to share—that he went to visit his parents, that he’d made plans with his friends, that he was considering buying a new car—I’d find out from others. Why? He simply wouldn’t think to tell me.
I got the sense that it didn’t evenoccurto him to do so, just as it wouldn’t occur to him to tell a work colleague. As such, I made a point to ask more questions about his day; wanting to get across that I was more interested than he seemed to assume; wanting it to become natural for him to share such basic things.
However, nothing had changed in that respect. He still gave me vague answers. He also still didn’t accept my invitations to spend the sort of time together that would allow a friendship to develop. And I’d steadily reached the conclusion that he didn’t truly want it from me; that he didn’t wantmeto want anything fromhim.
“He’s good at making a person feel shut out,” said Caelan. “But he doesn’t do it on purpose, Addison. He’s a good guy. People talk like there’s something missing in him. There isn’t. Never was. He just doesn’t let it all hang out.”
I knew what Caelan was getting at. Being a self-contained person didn’t mean Dax was an incomplete person, or that he was deliberately acting like an asshole. It was simply that parts of him were locked up tight.
“I know he’s a decent man, Caelan. I wouldn’t have married him if I thought differently.” Curious as to why he’d feel the need to make such a point, I asked, “Are you worried I’ll bolt or something?”
“Maybe not bolt, but … too many women from his past gave up on him.”
Dax and I weren’t really “in” an actual relationship, though. At least not in the truest sense. That made it different. I tilted my head a little. “Why did they give up?”
“Different reasons. In some cases, they tried to change him. ‘Fix’ him. Thought if they loved him hard enough, he’d become someone different.”
I frowned. “If you’re not happy with a person as they are, if you feel the need to shape them into somebody else, you don’t love them.” I might want to change that Dax kept me at arm’s length, but I didn’t want to changehim.
“Exactly. But they didn’t see it that way. It happened time and time again. And when loving him hard didn’t ‘melt’ him or some shit, they’d decide he couldn’t love; that he lacks what makes a person a person.”
Pausing, he dabbed at my partially done tattoo with a sterile cloth to soak up the blood there. “Don’t get me wrong, there were a few who didn’t want to change him. They truly cared for him. He just didn’t feel the same way, so they walked. I don’t blame them. But I do think they gave up on him too quickly. Only Gracie was different.”
“Unlike them, I’m not trying to win his love. I know I won’t get it, so you don’t have to worry that I’ll walk because of that. I can’t promise you the marriage will last—life surprises us in lots of ways. But I have no plans to give up on it or him.”
Staring me right in the eyes, Caelan tipped his chin. “I believe you. And it’s good to hear, because he wouldn’t let you go easily. He might not be head over heels for you, but he considers you his. You’d have a major fight on your hands if you tried to leave him, and I’d be surprised if you won that fight.”
I snorted. “If I wanted to leave, I’d leave—there’d be nothing he could do to stop me.”
Caelan’s lips curved. “It’s cute that you believe that.”
I felt my brows lift. “Cute?”
