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He nodded. “Probably.”
She studied him for a long moment. Then she shook her head. “You wouldn’t have told me. At least, not unless you thought you couldn’t keep everyone else quiet for good.”
He wanted to deny it, but she was right. If he could have kept it from her forever he would have.
“Why?” she asked.
“I don’t know. It just feels like it doesn’t matter.”
“I know why.”
He frowned. “What do you mean?”
“It’s the same reason you didn’t tell me how hard you’ve been working or how tired you were or…no about coming up to Baton Rouge this past weekend.”
He frowned. “Iwantedto come to Baton Rouge.”
“I know. But youshould havesaid no. You were too tired. You shouldn’t have been making that drive. And you knew it. Deep down. But you couldn’t say no.”
“Bec—”
“Because if you had, I would have been mad,” she went on over the top of him. “Or, I would have said it was fine and I understood.” She lifted a shoulder. “But that would have meant a weekend apart. And then another. And then another. And eventually…we would have drifted apart.”
Beau felt his gut clench. “I would have never let it go that many weekends.”
“Then you would have been making that drive another time too tired and distracted.” She shook her head, her eyes filling again. “You accident was partly my fault.”
“No,” he said harshly. “Jesus. It wasn’t your fault. Stop it.”
“It was, though. You came up because of me. Because you knew the weekend was important to me. Because I was being pouty about the sex thing. Because I was putting pressure on you. You couldn't tell me how hard you’re working or how tired you are. And you knew you couldn’t say no again.”
He grabbed her upper arm and pulled her close. “I didn'twantto say no. Do you really think for one fucking minute that I regret any of that?”
“No, I know you don't. But it’s too much. I wish I could say that you don't have to come up as often. And I know the parties and ballgames and things are seemingly superficial—”
“You love them.”
“They're silly.”
“It's okay to love them, Bec. They’re part of your life right now. They’re where you see your friends and blow off steam. That’s what you're supposed to be doing right now. It won’t last forever.”
“But you don't feel the need to do them.”
He hesitated. No, he didn’t. But he didn’t begrudge her for wanting those things. Much. “They're not my friends. That's not my…life.”
“Exactly. And I could say it doesn't matter. That you don't need to come. But we both know that over time, if we don’t see each other as often, this won’t work.”
Of course, that was true. You had to see the person you were in a relationship with to make the relationship work. He nodded. “Yeah.”
“We’re just in two different places. We’re the same age, but we’re living totally different lives. We have totally different things that are important to us. And neither one of them is wrong. They're just different.”
Fuck. “And far apart.”
“Yeah. I don’t think I realized just how far apart we really were.” She was quiet for a moment. Then she added, “And that’s why you didn’t want to tell me about the accident. Because it’s more proof that this is…not easy. That it’s not really working. And now, every time you drive that road now, I’ll worry. I would think about this, and I would try to talk you out of coming.”
Beau’s gut clenched tighter. He didn’t want to ask the next question, but he had to. He’d always known this moment would come, and he wanted to get it over with. “So what are you saying?”
“I thought about transferring to New Orleans to finish school.”
