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I tucked the sorrow somewhere deep inside of me, but it’s creeping out now that I recall the incident.
Gabriel was a good guy. He didn’t deserve to go down like that.
Lola looks down at her lap, speaking softly. “I’m sorry.”
“This life gives, and it takes,” I say, looking out the window as the snow blows past. The sky is just starting to lighten, the due blue hues turning into a washed-out purple color. Soon, it’ll be lavender, and we’ll be picking up the fuel that Nikolai is dropping off.
And by the end of the day, we’ll be in Texas.
Which means my time alone with Lola will be finished, and I can’t hide her pregnancy from Nikolai. He’s already suspicious why I’m so attached to her, and he’s not going to believe it’s just because I’ve fallen in love. He’ll know that something else is going on, and I need to come clean.
We don’t keep secrets in this Family.
I move my queen into position and smile at Lola. “Your move.”
17
Lola
My heart sinks when I realize I’ve already lost the game. I was doing so well, but I let Jasha distract me with his story and now I’ve thrown away my win. It should’ve been easy, but then again, all of this should’ve been easy. Jasha came into my life and screwed everything up.
The trouble is, I’m having a harder and harder time holding it against him. Hearing his story and feeling his pain has humanized him, and if I can empathize with a monster, I can also fall in love with one.
“Good game,” I say, my throat tightening up. “Um, has Nikolai texted you about the location? We’re probably coming up on the next major town, and he can’t drop stuff there without the police noticing.”
“He’ll have that figured out, I’m sure. We don’t have to do anything until he sends me the coordinates. Maybe you’d like a rematch?”
I sigh, seriously considering it, but my brain is all over the place after knowing more about Jasha’s life. I feel closer to him, and that’s scaring me. Having sex is one thing, but falling in love is a whole different universe.
And didn’t he mention something about marriage?
Things are moving so quickly that it’s making my head spin.
Jasha seems to notice. He leans over the table, placing his large hand over mine. I can feel the warmth of his palm even though it’s cold in this room, but there’s more to it than that. There’s emotion in his touch, something I wasn’t able to get out of him before.
Something I wanted, but now I’m scared of.
“Is everything okay?” he asks, his voice low and soothing. It vibrates through me like the magic wand I use between my legs some nights when I think about him.
“I’m fine,” I say, putting my hand on my belly. It’s something I usually do to comfort myself, but now, all I can think about is the fact that a little piece of Jasha lives inside me.
Is that still comforting?
I don’t know.
“If you need something, let me know,” he says, his voice continuing to rumble through me in a way that makes me want to fall into his arms and allow him to take over. He’s so powerful, so masculine and capable that it’s tempting to hand all my problems to him and tell him to deal with them.
I’m sure he would, but at what cost? He already believes that I belong to him, and letting him take the weight off my aching heart would cement that into reality.
I look up at him, trying to find the strength to do what I need to do. My baby needs a father, but I must know more about Jasha before I accept him into my family the way that he’s accepted me.
“I want to know more about you,” I say, my voice shaking as I try to control it.
He pulls his head back slightly in confusion. “Such as?”
“Everything,” I reply, knowing I sound like I’ve lost my mind. “I just need to know you before I…”
“Before you what?” he asks, his voice dropping into a whisper. “You can tell me, Lola.”
