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“It meant nothing. Just one night of fun between two friends.” The words were hollow and tasted bitter on my lips. I turned back to my brother, fighting back the tears that wanted to fall. “It’s not a thing, Bry. I promise. He broke no bro code or whatever. You’re best friends. Don’t ruin that over nothing.”
“Nothing,” Hawk said like the word gutted him, leaving him empty.
It was only because Bryce looked from me to Hawk that I could shut my eyes as my body shuddered at that word. It felt like my heart had just been shattered.
“BB took advantage of you?” Bryce asked. I didn’t think he believed the lie, but it was easier for him to accept it instead of losing his best friend.
“I barely remember anything,” Hawk said, his voice low and emotionless. His eyes had gone cold, and I curled my fingers inward to stop myself from reaching out to him. To touch him. To soothe him. To love him.
“Fucking hell,” Bryce wheezed, sitting in the spare chair. He braced his arms on his knees and tugged at the ends of his hair as he took a deep breath. I took a chance to glance at Hawk. But he wouldn’t look at me. Bryce finally looked up, grimacing as he took in Hawk’s cheek, which was now swelling.
“Shit. I’m sorry, man. I’ve barely slept, and when I couldn’t reach either of you, I got nervous. It’s been hell dealing with the parentals, and then I discovered fucking Olson got traded to the Blue Devils. He’s taking my old spot.”
It was then I realized I’d gone almost a whole day without baseball being the center of conversation.
“Fuck, man. What was your dad thinking?” Hawk asked, moving further away from me as he talked to his best friend.
Bryce sighed, slumping back into the chair, looking utterly defeated. He ping-ponged back and forth between us before he spoke again.
“I still don’t like this, but I guess I can deal with it if you both promise it’s nothing more. I don’t think I could handle that. I just… I never want to have to choose between you two. I need you both in my life.” He shook his head, his eyes wild.
“Promise,” I said, the words killing me and adding to the guilt as I realized how much I’d placed on him.
“Sorry for the…” He motioned to Hawk’s face.
“Don’t even worry about it, man. I deserved it.” Hawk and Bryce grasped forearms in some bro-slap, apparently the gesture for forgiveness in dude-speak.
“Come on. Let’s get something for that eye before it swells so much you can’t see, and then I’m accused of spring training sabotage.”
“Like you could hurt my game,” Hawk scoffed, standing and sliding on his shoes. He grabbed a shirt from his suitcase and headed to the door, his eyes never looking at me.
“We’ll get some breakfast and figure out how to handle the rest of this mess, Blanket. Stay put.” Bryce kissed my forehead and moved around me, leaving me sitting on the bed in a numb state of emotions.
“Shit, I forgot my key. Grab the elevator. I’ll be right there,” I heard Hawk say two seconds before he was in front of me, grasping my cheeks and kissing me like I was the air he breathed. It was over just as fast as he grabbed the keycard and jogged to the door.
I sucked in a breath, my heart beating hard in my chest as the tears fell. Hawk paused halfway through the door, his eyes finally connecting with mine, the emotion there a whirlwind behind his mismatched hues.
I saw all the hopes and dreams for a future together race through them in a matter of seconds, making my heart race and wishing I could take my words back.
Then Hawk blinked, and it was gone, replaced with a blankness that left me chilled to the bone as he stepped out the door. The latch clicked shut, the sound striking me in the chest as the best thing to ever happen to me walked away.
Looks like I got the cleat retreat in the end, anyway.
It had to happen.
I knew that. But it didn’t make it hurt any less.
Neither of us could lose Bryce, and I wouldn’t make my brother choose. He’d given me life once, and now… we were even.
The hard part was I didn’t know if I could live without my heart.
NINE
BLAKE
With broken sobs, I hurried around the room as I gathered my belongings. I couldn’t be here when they got back. I just couldn’t do it. After everything that happened in the last twenty-four hours, I didn’t have it in me to fake that I was okay.
I needed some space from Hawk. It was too fresh, too real. Now that I knew what it felt like to touch him, kiss him, and hold him… it would be torture to hold back.
