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She’s in danger.
And she’s not leaving here until I get what I want.
I point my finger at her and start, “This is the reason I didn’t tell you to forget the soccer tryout even though it was a bad idea.”
Her chin lifts high, sparks of anger flying from her eyes.
“You won’t listen to reason,” I continue. “Won’t hear anything but what you want to hear. Even when it’s not good for you. I let it go one too many times and look what happened. I’m not going to make the same mistake twice, especially when it comes to your safety.”
I can practically see steam shooting from her pink-tinged ears. “What happened is that you humiliated me in front of everyone and left me to get attacked by a pack of savage teen boys.”
“They may have thrown a few things, but they wouldn’t have really hurt you.”
“Is that it?A few things, you say. How about running out the locker room to attack me? How about that?”
My brows slam down. Pressure builds in my chest. In the locker room, I had to turn my back away from her to stop myself from running to her rescue. “I didn’t see that.”
“They threatened me!”
Her shout bounces off the walls of the science lab. This conversation has taken an unexpected turn. Although it happened four years ago, it’s obviously very much alive for the two of us. If she wants a confrontation, then so be it. I have no issues going toe to toe with her. I tried to side-step this subject the day I proposed to her, but we can’t seem to be able to move forward without first clearing the air.
“You wanna do this now, then let’s do it,” I declare. “Right here, right now.”
She glares at me and seethes, “I’m not afraid of you.” She leans forward. “It’s been a long time coming, so let’s do this.”
“I might have lost my temper and embarrassed you, but you refuse to see my side of it. It’s not like I set out to hurt you, but you came into the locker room unannounced. It was incendiary.”
“Perhaps you may not have meant to hurt me, although the jury’s still out on that one,” she fumes. “But you certainly didn’t defend me. You stood there and let those boys throw balls and cleats at me. Glass shattered all over me. It was everywhere. And don’t forget the kicking and punching and running me down the stairs. Theyhurtme. And they would’ve done worse if Coach hadn’t shown up when he did.”
I start.Shattered glass all over her?I vaguely remember a loud noise and glass everywhere but I don’t remember Crina still being in the locker room at that time.Running her down the stairs?What the fuck?
“I wasn’t altogether there,” I say, keeping it vague.
Not altogether thereis the understatement of the year. A daze was more like it. The months after Cristian’s death could best be described as an interminable season of darkness. On that day, I’d allowed the boys throw things at Crina, true, but I’d thought she’d gotten out before the glass barrier broke. In the ensuing chaos, I didn’t realize some of the boys had left. I definitely didn’t know they’d attacked her outside. I curl my hands into fists. Even after all these years, my first thought is,I’m going to kill them.
“I didn’t mean for you to get seriously hurt,” I repeat. “I wanted to scare you into giving up your plan, sure. I wanted to teach you a lesson. Swear to God, I will run down every boy that went after you that day and beat him to a pulp.”
Seeing her shoulders sag in relief, I can’t help but lecture her, “But you’ve got to see your part in that fiasco. What about the fact that I was drowning in grief over—” I pause. “Him.”
That’s the second time today I’ve spoken of Cristian. It’s a record for me. I take in a deep breath before forcing myself to continue. “You took advantage of my weakness to push your agenda. An agenda you knew was risky. I’m not even talking about the team or the coach. What about your mom? She wasn’t about to let you play soccer on a boys’ team. That would beuncouth.” I say the last word in her mother’s haughty tone.
Indignation burns in her eyes. Her cheeks turn pink, as tends to happen when she gets emotional. “Don’t you dare talk to me about my mom. She would’ve never found out if people had kept their mouths shut. This is about you and me. About what you specifically did tome.”
“You were delusional if you thought you could have kept it from her. As for you and me, I just explained what had happened on my end. Let’s talk about you. About what you did to yourself. About how you’re impulsive as shit and pushy as fuck.”
Hurt flashes in her eyes. Her cheeks take on a brighter shade of pink. Yeah, I’m inflicting pain on her, but this must be addressed. She’s got to learn to take herself in hand. I can’t spend my life trying to protect a woman who’s running with scissors.
“I wasn’t being impulsive,” she argues back. “I’d planned for that tryout. I’d practiced with you for months, remember?”
“How could I forget?”
It’s her turn to point a finger at me. “You!” Crina jabs me in the chest. “You let me go on and on, pretending to help me only to entrap me in the locker room that day. You shamed me in front of everyone and crushed my only dream. You did that. And then you let them attack me and hurt me.”
Does she think I’d purposely plotted for months to humiliate her in public? I mean…that’s downright insulting. I’m an inch away from feeling that insult right in my solar plexus, but then I remember that they attacked her. I clench my teeth. When I get the names of the kids who touched her…. I take a deep breath and exhale, centering myself. Grounding myself like I’ve learned in meditation. If we both give in to our emotions, we’ll never come out on the other side.
I touch her. She flinches.
I wrap my fingers around her forearm and tug her toward me. “You can’t possibly think I’d planned that. Baby, I was in hell. I could barely drag myself out of bed in the morning. Could barely dress. Couldn’t keep food down. I saw the train wreck coming but didn’t have it in me to fight you over it.” I gentle my tone and call her on her shit. “You knew that.” I wrap my arm around her and quickly add, “I shouldn’t have let them hurt you, and I’m sorry for that. I’ve always taken care of you, gone to bat for you, fought you when I had to, but I just wasn’t myself.”
