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“Crina…” He turns tortured eyes on me. “I do love you. I don’t care who made you because you are the daughter of my heart. You’ve always been my daughter, from the moment you started growing in your mother’s womb. I’ll challenge anyone who says otherwise. You made it too easy to love you, Crina, and it’s been a privilege to be your father. I only wish I wasn’t so tired…so very tired… That I still wanted to fight tooth and nail and make it for one more year with you. One more month. One more day.”
I shake my head in denial, but he refuses to accept it. “No, don’t do that. You made it so easy because you are a perfect child. And that’s why I allowed the marriage to go forward. It wasn’t to follow your mother’s wishes or to follow mysef’sorders. It’s because Marku knows what I know. He’s the only man I trust to love you the way you deserve, and I wanted to make sure you have that when I’m gone.”
“No, no, nooo,” I cry out, denying it, denying his last three words. It’s like a punch to the gut. I bend over, hugging my belly. He slowly drags his hand over my lap and grasps mine, squeezing as tightly as he can, even though it’s not that tight at all. Another tsunami of sorrow crashes over me.
It’s not fair. It’s NOT FAIR!
“Did you think I was going to leave you hanging? To leave you here with your mom, without me to mediate between you? I made her promise that she will let you move in with him as soon as you graduate.” I let out a choking gasp. “I’ve always looked out for you and I will always look out for you, even from beyond the grave.”
There’s a soft knock on the door and I turn around, about to viciously rip into whoever has interrupted, when I see Marku’s head pop in. He looks at me and my tears. His gaze sweeps over my father before returning to me. “You okay?”
Swallowing around the lump in my throat, I nod shortly.
Turning to my father, he says, “Sorry to interrupt,dumneavoastra.”
My father lifts a weak hand, dismissing his concern. “Not to worry,fiu. Just an old man having a chat with his favorite daughter.”
Fiu?Did my father just call Markuson?
Even Marku’s eyes bulge slightly at the word. His face is suddenly overcome with emotion. His eyes dart away and he clears his throat before saying in a hoarse voice, “Good, I’ll leave you guys to it.”
Just before slipping out, he reaches for me and grazes my cheek with his knuckles.
Then, he’s gone.
“See, I told you.” My father gives me a knowing look. “Came in here to check on you. He’s been doing that since I can remember.”
He turns slightly, wincing and paling at the same time. I lean over him, pulling up the bed sheet and cover, and folding it over carefully. “Don’t strain yourself.”
“Crina,” he rasps.
His face is so serious, lined with pain and fatigue. My heart cracks, thinking about how much he’s suffering and how I’m going to have let him go and learn to live without him. It’s not right to lose a father at this point. I’m too young. He’s too young. I certainly don’t feel like I can go on without him, but I must. He wouldn’t accept anything less from me.
When I’m done fussing, I pull up the chair beside his bed, plunk down in it, and take his hand again. Suddenly, my limbs and muscles feel heavy and tired.
“You have to forgive your mother.”
I’m already shaking my head at the word forgive.
“No, you don’t get to deny a man his dying wish,” he insists.
“Tata—”
He sits up and puts up a trembling hand. “And I’m going to tell you why.”
He sags back into the bed, and his eyes get a faraway look. “Your mother and I had been secretly dating for years, but I suspected I was sterile. It’s the reason I wouldn’t marry her, you know. I’d done treatment after treatment for lupus, but I wasn’t going to make it to a ripe old age and I wasn’t about to die and leave her childless. I repeatedly begged her to leave me, find another man, have a family.”
That’s so him, willing to sacrifice his happiness for the sake of my mother’s. His vision clears and he focuses on me. His lower lip trembles. “And what did she do? Not only did she refuse to leave, but she blackmailed me instead. She’d won a diversity visa to come to America. It had always been my dream to leave the past in Romania and start a new life in a country as great as this one. Your mother didn’t want to leave like I did, but she agreed on one condition. I had to marry her.”
I jolt in my seat. “You weren’t married, but you tried having children? How did you get away with that?”
He clucks his tongue. “As you know, I came from a powerful family. I’d made an arrangement with her father to give us time. I was selfish. I should have pushed her away, but I was too weak in my love for her. In the end, we got married. She left before me because my papers were not ready before her visa expired. A few months later she told me she was pregnant with my child.”
He stares me dead in the eye. “You were that child,mychild. Marina did it forme.” He pounds his chest. It’s a hallow sound. “She knew it was my dream to have a family with her. I don’t think I would’ve made it this far if it weren’t for both of you. She’s always sacrificed more than I have. Always done more. It’s been unequal from the beginning and I’ve never been able to catch up. Never been able to reciprocate the many gifts she’s given me. She’s a truly selfless woman.”
My mouth drops open.Are we talking about the same woman?
“And she loves you as much as she loves me. It’s why she’s so hard on you. She knows how difficult life can be, especially for amafiewoman. She knows you won’t have a father forever, and she wants you to be strong enough to handle any situation, just like the one we’re in now.”
