AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Her questions come at me quickly and with purpose. She must have heard me say "Dad,” but she hasn’t admitted anything. She’s likely waiting for me to say it out loud or to see if I’ll lie. She doesn’t really want to hear the answer, though. None of them do. I wish like hell I could “unknow” it.
I shake my head. I won’t give her the answers she wants.
Her face turns red from anger, her brows furrowed. “Why do you do that? Why do you shut down anytime we get anywhere close to real?”
“Don’t,” I warn.
She won’t like my response to feeling pushed. I would answer if I could, but I can’t. At least, that’s what I tell myself. A sliver of doubt worms its way into my mind. The truth is, I’m unsure I would tell her if I could. I’ve spent my whole adult life hiding and shouldering these burdens.
Secrets have a way of festering and burrowing into your heart and soul until you don’t know where you begin, and they end.
Her eyes widen in response to my warning, then harden as she leans into me. She jabs her finger into my chest. She’s never one to back down from a challenge, so I should have seen this coming.
“No, you don’t! You don’t get to sit there high and fucking mighty on your white knight horse while acting like it’s necessary to save every-fucking-body!”
I laugh, loud and all from deep in my belly. “You think I want this?”
I’m becoming unhinged; I know it. She must know it, too. I would drop it all in a heartbeat if I could, if I knew they’d be okay.
“It sure fucking seems like it. You aren’t even giving them a chance. Andrea and Addy are strong enough to handle whatever this is. You need to trust them.”
“I wish that was true, Charlie. I really do.” Defeat and sadness reflect in my face.
Her anger deflates as worry overtakes her features. She softens her voice as her eyes scan my face. Whatever she sees must concern her. “Then tell me. Let me help you.”
She’s begging me to open up to her.
I whisper out a broken, “I can’t.”
She straightens at that before taking a few steps back toward the door, away from me. I itch to reach out and yank her close to me. To bury my hands in her long, silky-smooth hair. To touch my lips to hers so I can forget about all the rest of this bullshit for another night.
“So busy and concerned trying to save everyone else…” She pauses before giving me a disappointed shake of her head. “…but who will save you, Andrew?”
She turns and walks out of the room, leaving me staring at the empty space in front of me in her wake. Her parting question leaves me feeling hollow and broken. Like a shell of a man who gave up his choices a long time ago.
Chapter Eighteen
Andrew
I’m sitting on Andrea’s back porch with a full bottle of beer hanging from my fingers. I thought I wanted to drink myself into oblivion after the conversation with Malcom and then Charlie. But I haven’t touched it, not one sip. Maybe I’m punishing myself as my thoughts annoy me about how wrong tonight went.
The stars above me are bright and clear. I lean my head back as I stare at them. How the hell did I get myself into this situation?
I wasn’t supposed to fall for her. I wasn’t supposed to get close in any way. But when I close my eyes, all I see are her bright green eyes and a carefree smile overtaking her gorgeous face. I sigh, opening my eyes again just in time to see a shooting star fly across the sky.
“What are you out here sighing to yourself about?” Andrea asks as she takes the seat next to me.
I roll my head over to her briefly then back to the night sky littered with bright lights. I didn’t hear her come out, and I’m not in the best mood for company, but I’ll never turn her away. Never again.
“Do you ever wish that you and Christopher never got to together?”
If my question catches her off guard, she doesn’t show it. “Sometimes. But then I remember that if it weren’t for Christopher, I wouldn’t be right here, right now. I wouldn’t have found Jack. So, when I think about all that, my answer changes.”
I nod without responding. It’s quiet for a few minutes before she speaks.
“Are you going to tell me what’s going on? Or are we going to keep pretending you’re fine?”
I don’t know how to answer her. I need to find a way out of all this mess. I finally have something I want to fight for, someone worth risking it all for.
